Basil the Bat Lord vs. Captain Redbeard

''Amset-Ra walks into the computer room with a cup of coffee. (#1: Is there any other drink in the LEGO universe? #2: Do coffee and electronics really get along? Let's find out. ) Suddenly, a massive image of Ogel appears in front of him.''

Ogel: Greetings, desert worm.

Amset-Ra: Oh, hey, Ogel. Long time no see. Nice to know you're still in the family-owned plagiarism business. What's up?

Ogel: I want you to know that I am FED UP with my treatment at the Fighting Pyramid.

Amset-Ra: So you finally snapped. I knew it would happen.

Ogel: Do not mock the original LEGO supervillain that pioneered the modern LEGO supervillain.

Amset-Ra: "Original"? Turning LEGO backwards and having it as your name doesn't make you any better than the average villain.

Ogel: There is no average villain, least of all me.

Amset-Ra: You're right. Everyone's special. And hey, you might be interested in knowing that Basil the Bat Lord and Captain Redbeard are fighting today! They're way more original than you!

Ogel: Both are beneath me. Anyway, to business. I've had it with being corona-d, fed to dinos, fed to wild pirates, electrocuted, Chaos Controlled, and all those wonderfully evil tortures. So I'm going to stage an all-out attack on your precious pyramid.

Amset-Ra: H... haha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What kind of villain would announce his evil plans on a holocommunication? DO you realize that the mainstream media may have tapped into this call?

Ogel: Impossible. They're being transformed into Skeleton Drones as we speak.

Amset-Ra: But you don't have any Skeleton Drones to begin with.

Ogel: I'm using part-time millennial workers instead.

Amset-Ra: But they have college to go to!

Ogel: Precisely, which is why I built Ogel University in my backyard.

Amset-Ra: Where are you, anyway?

Ogel: Behind you I'm recording this from my fourth Ogel base that I finally got back from those Fangpyre swine.

Amset-Ra: That makes no sense whatsoever. A snake is not a pig and you know it.

Ogel: Unless we have an epic crossover!

Amset-Ra: Don't you realize that this is a long-distance call? This is going to be expensive!

Ogel: Not very. I took the liberty of coating the outside of my base with solar panels to reduce energy costs, electric, water, and phone bills. And taxes. It also makes a nice siding.

Amset-Ra: Thanks for telling me what your base looks like!

Ogel: What?! I didn't tell you my base looks like a Victorian house with a disco-themed garage and concrete cabinets.

Amset-Ra: Thanks for being even more decriptive!

Ogel: I haven't even gotten to my pointless demands yet! Unless you hand me the Super Crown, as well as the Atlantis keys (and the weird purple one), every blade in Ninjago history, every Chi Orb, the Chaos Emeralds, the Dwarf companions, your crown, your wig, your money, your computer, your autographed copy of LEGO Racers 2, every Tygurah on Mars, the license to Cooking with a Crazy Crook, and last but not least, the Queen's mothership. If you don't give me all these thing by midnight next week, I think I'll start kidnapping your employees. And then I'll target you. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Amset-Ra: I think I'll stick to giving them the minimum wage, rather than letting an outdated secondhand villain do it for me.

Ogel: That's second-rate. And you, too, are outdated.

Amset-Ra: You more than me, bro.

Ogel: Did you just call me "bro"?

Amset-Ra: Sure!

Ogel: Sine you don't take my threats seriously, I will attack you more than intended. Does that scare you?

Amset-Ra: I don't know. Maybe. Uh, hey, you might want to postpone your attack. Tomorrow's Father's Day, and I think you need time alone with Lord Vladek.

Ogel: You're right. Oh, my doughnuts are ready. Remember, give me your wig, even if you don't own one. And I don't care if there are no Tygurahs on Mars. Bye now!

He hangs up.

Amset-Ra: On the darker side, the Nexo Knights are going to LEGO Worlds. On the brighter side, so is LEGO Space.

Benny: spaceship spaceship Spaceship Spaceship SPACESHIP SPACESHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amset-Ra: Get out.

Benny: Pihsecaps...

Amset-Ra: Saying "spaceship" backwards as a sign of depression... That's a new one...

Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid! Wow, we're already into the second half of the season! So without further ado, let's bring out the fighters!

Amset-Ra: Aren't we supposed to put something funny here?

Wyldstyle: That's already been done.

Amset-Ra: Good point.

Wyldstyle: In the Red Corner, the insane leader of the no-longer-frightful Fright Knights, Basil the Bat Lord!

Basil: Thou dost not understand the Fright Knights. Even in a discontinued state, the Fright Knights, will always be frightful.

CRASH!

Amset-Ra: Fortunately, I've got fourth wall insurance.

Wyldstyle: That's a must for any place containing potentially insane minifigures. In the Blue Corner, the pioneer of pirates, Captain Redbeard!

Amset-Ra: Oh great, ANOTHER pirate?!

Captain Redbeard: Aye, matey, another pirate. Fifth one this season.

Amset-Ra: And last, I hope...

Captain Redbeard: What be that, matey?!

Amset-Ra: Oh, nothing, nothing...

Wyldstyle: We need yet another predictor, so heeeeeeere's Johnny the Werewolf! The CMF, of course.

Werewolf: AROOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wyldstyle: He says Basil the Bat Lord!

Amset-Ra: Tee-Vee?

Tee-Vee: Battle:start.

Basil: Dragon of fright! I summon thee!

Redbeard: Construct!

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Basil: O mighty dragon, whatsoever aileth thee, that thou takest so long? dost thou have a dentist appointment?

Redbeard: Ye've only been waiting fer twenty seconds.

Basil: I wait no longer. Thou shalt reel the wrath of Basil the Bat Lord!

Redbeard: Wait, how did ye do that?!

Basil: Wikia coding. It cometh with being a minifigure for at least a score.

Redbeard: Oh. I almost missaw that as a red link! Speaking of scores, I be havin' a score to settle with ye!

Basil: Not so, for we both have not fought here before.

Redbeard: Behold! My pirate ship!

Basil: Thou hast seen nothing yet. Construct!

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Basil: I hast builded my Fright Knight Mobile.

Redbeard: That's built.

Basil: No minifigure hath respect for Old English...

Redbeard: Oh, and yer vehicle thingy be a ripoff of a certain 1960s car!

Basil: Not so; for it hath seats for twoscore and three, including stewardesses and myself: the same shall be pilot.

Redbeard: Too much talk! Cannons, fire!

...

Basil: Thou hast no crew, O ye offspring of the sea. Dost thou taste like fish? Waiteth I no longer to find out.

Shing!

Redbeard: Wait! I left me cutlass in San Francisco!

Basil: Use not the references of the real world.

KCILCKCILCKCILCKCILCKCILC

Redbeard: Me ship!

Basil: It existeth not as of now.

Crash!

Basil: My dragon finally arriveth.

Redbeard: It be too blocky and primitive! Ye should see the dragons of Ninjago Island!

Basil: Believe I this tale, but not of the one in which real world humans purchase 79018 The Lonely Mountain only for Smaug, and sell him for $75.

Redbeard: I be not believin' in slavery!

Basil: There hath been no battle as of yet. Draco, we ride again tonight.

Redbeard: You named your steed off a constellation?!

Basil: Not so: rather, it is the other way around.

FWOOOOOOOOOM!

Redbeard: Anybody be gettin' the number of that yonder oven?

Tee-Vee: Winner = Basil the Bat Lord.

Wyldstyle: In what was probably the least exciting match so far this season, Basil tore down Redbeard's ship, then used Draco to burn Redbeard to a crisp!

Basil: Draco hath free will. He is not forced. Sort of.

In the Emperor's office on Coruscant...

Emperor Palpatine: So, Lord Vader, this is the new hunter droid you got me?

Darth Vader: Yes, Master. It's an M-OC hunter droid, created to hunt down the Freemakers, as well as AFOLs, TFOL, KFOLs, IFOLs, SFOLs, DFOLs, and ZFOLs.

Emperor Palpatine: What were all those appreviations?

Darth Vader: Those are Adult, Teen, Kid, Infant, Senior, Dead, and Zombie Fans of LEGO.

Emperor Palpatine: Remind me not to ask you how many Zombie Fans of LEGO there are...

Darth Vader: Only two.

Emperor Palpatine: So what is this M-OC Hunter Droid capable of?

Darth Vader: You'll just have to watch today's episodes of LEGO Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures to find out. Season 2 premiers today.

Emperor Palpatine: Ooh! I want tickets! Gimme gimme gimme!

Darth Vader: It's a TV show. You don't need tickets.

Emperor Palpatine: Maybe not, but I sill wanted to say that last part. Now, M-OC, go and bring me the Freemakers! And that Old Fishing Store. It's waaaay better than that run-down Jedi High Council Chamber. I don't care if it won't come out for another two and a half months. Just get it!

M-OC: Yes, Master.

He leaves the room.

Darth Vader: Oh, and Luke got me a Jedi lightsaber for I Am Your Father's Day.

Emperor Palpatine: A Jedi lightsaber, huh? But th question is: whose Jedi lightsaber?

Darth Vader: Ahsoka Tano's. Remember her?

Emperor Palpatine: How could I forget her...

Darth Vader: So we were battling on Malachor, and as soon as those pesky Rebels left, I negotiated with her, and she decided to sell her lightsabers for a pair of earrings made of holocron shards. I shipped one to the Millenium Falcon, along with a note that told Luke to ship it back to me as an I Am Your Father's Day gift. I gave the other one to Unkar Plutt.

Emperor Palpatine: WHAT?!

Darth Vader: He actually likes it. It helps him with his fear of the dark.

Emperor Palpatine: I should really use my lightsaber as a nightlight as well...

''Just outside the room, we see the M-OC Hunter Droid walk to the Tracker I and take off. Watching it are Darth Vader's bounty hunters.''

IG-88: Looks like I'll be out of a job...

Bossk: Now my pay's gonna be cut!

Dengar: There goes the neighborhood...

Boba Fett: Well, guys, it can't be all bad. In fact, I don't think the Emperor will miss us if we sneak down to the Mos Eisley Cantina for a buffet.

IG-88: But they don't allow droids.

Boba Fett: We'll use a little motivation.

IG-88: They don't allow blasters, either.

Boba Fett: Actually, we can disintegrate him if he protests.

Bossk: Great idea!

Dengar: Brilliant! Let's go!

And so they head off into the sunset, toward the wretched hive of scum and villainy known as Mos Eisley.

See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

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