Tee-Vee vs. Toxikita

Ogel: Greetings, future mindless slaves of LEGO Backward. I am Evil Ogel, and the Pyramid Staff has let me out of prison to analyze the Season 2 Finale. So without further ado, let's begin.

Ogel on Tee-Vee: WHAT?! My arch-enemy's puny robot has made it to the finals?! Well, I'll see that his opponent makes him lose! Tee-Vee is a pile of scrap metal made to make it look like it's a walking talking television. It faithfully served the evil Dash Justice, and underwent two upgrades. The first was a dopey-looking submarine called ROV or whatever. It swam like a real sub and was basically useless to them and against me. The second upgrade made it look like a maid. It was so freaky that that had to change its name to 0 1235678 9… wait… that was its bar code…

Tee-Vee is capable of projecting images of what it will attack with, as well as doing other awful things. Oh, and I hear that it has a "priest." I don't buy all this "admirable, benevolent, cherished, delightful, elegant, flamboyant, etc." stuff.

Ogel on Toxikita: Somehow, Toxikita overthrew her master, which I am delighted about, because I owed him money. She is the toxic mistress and enemy of the Ultra Agents. She also has had two henchmen. Adam Acid was unhenched because he failed her, and Retox was unhenched because he kept calling her "Toxie." She also owned a helicopter and a small mech. She is known for dying her hair in different colors. First, it was silver to play with ninjas. Now it's green so that she can blend into a crowd… Evidently, it didn't work.

Toxikita can fire her toxic blaster, as well as using other toxic attacks. She is also known to throw toxic meltdowns, as revealed in set 70163.

Ogel's Recommendations for Tee-Vee: Just sit there and let Toxikita trash you.

Ogel's Recommendations for Toxikita: Do your stuff. Throw a toxic meltdown. Utterly destroy Tee-Vee.

Ogel's Winner: I believe that Toxikita will win, not only because she never lost, but also because she overthrew her master. If When she wins, I will talk with her about sweet revenge against the Ultra Agents and the Alpha Team.

Ding!

Anubis Guard: Time's up. Back to prison.

Ogel: Already?

Anubis Guard: Yes. Already.

Ogel: But-

SLAM!

Anubis Guard: End transmission.

Just outside of Amset-Ra's office...

Ogel: How are we going to rescue Amset-Ra and Dr. Inferno? The entire TARDIS are in there.

Axel: Yes, this is a predicament.

Mace Windu: I think we should Force-deconstruct the door, then you, Ogel, can throw your orbs at them. Then Fluminox and Sir Fangar will put on their gas masks, enter, and bring out Amset-Ra. How does that sound?

Everyone: Great!

Mace: Okay. Let's do this!

Meanwhile, inside Amset-Ra's office...

Commander Flash: It is all going according to plan. The battle is rigged in our favor. We will win. Are you ready for this, Toxikita?

Toxikita: I am more than ready. In fact, I've been training for this match ever since I went into hiding after Agent Curtis Bolt failed to catch me.

Commander Flash: Excel-

DECONSTRUCT!

Mace: Give up, TARDIS!

Ogel: You're outnumbered three to one!

Axel: The odds of you beating us are-

Commander Flash: Silence! Streak, bring out the Strike Stones!

He brings out a wheelbarrow full of odd, somewhat triangular stones.

Commander Flash: We should have destroyed you when we had first laid eyes on you, but nooo, we had to wait until the final battle.

Mace: What are you doing with these guys, Toxikita?

Toxikita: Gotta go!

She leaves for her locker room.

Streak: She joined us when we realized she had potential. In fact, she overthrew her master last battle.

Mace: Oh, I'm shaking in my boots! Not! Ogel, the orbs!

Ogel: Stand back!

''Ogel throws the orbs in the TARDIS' direction. Fluminox and Sir Fangar run in, but they are suddenly struck by lightning... evidence that a Strike Stone has been used.''

Commander Flash: Did you really think you could turn us into Skeleton Drones? Thanks to our shadows, we are immune to that move! Get them!

Mace draws his lightsaber as the TARDIS draw various weapons.

Rose: Get a load of my-

Mace: Trust me, that won't be necessary, thanks to the Force.

''He Force-throws Rose into the others. Fluminox and Sir Fangar wake up.''

Ogel: Guys! Get the prisoners!

Fluminox and Sir Fangar go to the back room and emerge with Amset-Ra.

Ogel: Where's Dr. Inferno?

Amset-Ra: I don't know. He disappeared when I had my back turned.

Ogel: Don't worry, we'll fimd him!

Amset-Ra: Good. By the way, we're going to hold the match at the Temple of Airjitzu today, so you guys can have the pyramid.

Ogel: Good. Mace, do you need assistance?

Mace: I could sure use the help of a few Round 3 qualifiers!

Invizable, Wyldstyle, and Grundal leap into the fray.

Amset-Ra: Bye, guys. Good luck!

''Amset-Ra and an Anubis Guard are flying an X-Wing to Mars. Since it is a one-seater vehicle, the Anubis Guard is sitting in the astromech slot.''

Anubis Guard: This is no way to travel!

''The two arrive and, to their delight, see the Queen's mothership parked in the middle of nowhere. The X-Wing lands, and the Anubis Guard gets out and climbs aboard the mothership, and the two take off.''

Amset-Ra: Next stop, Tattoine! We need all the ships we can get in order to get everyone to-

Suddenly, they are chased by five ETX Alien Infiltrators.

Amset-Ra: Oh goody, more ships!

Anubis Guard: No, Mr. Ra, you don't understand. These ships are shooting at us!

Alex: Return the mothership at once!

Alice: I just know Alfred left it outside again!

Albert: You must have taken it out of Hive 1! And you know that Hive 1 is the Queen's personal hive!

Aloha: Doesn't my name sound too close to Alpha Draconis'?

Alexis: Maybe.

Later, Amset-Ra arrives at Tattoine, negotiates with Jabba to get his Sail Barge, and also gets the Millenium Falcon.

Han Solo: Hey! I still haven't fixed the hyperdrive on that thing!

Chewbacca: Rrrrrargh!

''Soon, everyone arrives at the Temple of Airjitzu. Amset-Ra and the Anubis Guard arrive first, followed by the crew in the Falcon and the audience aboard the Sail Barge. Sensei Wu steps forward to greet them.''

Sensei Wu: Welcome, travellers. You may know about my "prophecy." It takes seven to beat seven.

Amset-Ra: Yup. Hey, wait a minute! Tee-Vee isn't with us!

Jestro: Dr. Inferno told us that he mysteriously disap- what's that?

''A magnificent sparkling gold and white starfighter lands nearby. The area behind the cockpit is a room adorned with curtains. The Priest of the Tee-Vee climbs out of the cockpit.''

Priest of the Tee-Vee: Are you almost ready, most admirable, benevolent, cherished, etc. Tee-Vee?

Tee-Vee: Affirmative.

''The Priest draws back the curtain, revealing Tee-Vee. He looks exactly like his original version, except he has a chrome finish and an HD touchscreen.''

Priest: Gentlemen... meet Tee-Vee 4.0!

Amset-Ra: Whoa.

Jestro: Simce when did you get all high-tech on us?

Priest: He always was sinner. Hey isn't your Book of Monsters overdue?

Jestro: I stole bought it.

Priest: Oh.

Amset-Ra: Where are Eglor, Toxikita, and the Book of Monsters?

Toxikita: Sorry I'm late, the Book of Monsters had an interesting story to tell.

Amset-Ra: Where's Eglor?

Toxikita: Oh, he's doing the usual getting eaten alive by a Globlin.

A burnt Eglor enters.

Amset-Ra: Talk about a hot head.

Infearno: Okay!

Amset-Ra: Firefighters!

A firefighter comes and extinguishes Infearno.

Book of Monsters: (from inside the Falcon) Someone get me out of here!

Jestro: Coming!

Sensei Wu: The fighters can start on both sides of the bridge.

Amset-Ra: Fighters, go to your spots.

They do.

Amset-Ra: Eglor, you can announce from the Sail Barge.

''Eglor joins the 32 fans aboard the Sail Barge. An extra 43,727 are watching from a nearby Star Destroyer.''

Alien: Amset-Ra! The Queen wants to talk to you.

As Eglor begins announcing, Amset-Ra goes to see what the Queen wants.

Alien Queen: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO TAKE MY MOTHERSHIP AGAIN?! WHERE ARE YOU, ALFRED?

Alfred: I'm right here, my Queen. You don't need to yell.

Alien Queen: I use capital letters to express my authority over you.

Alfred: :(

Alien Queen: DID YOU EXPRESS AN EMOTICON?

Alfred: Sorry.

Eglor: -ofvenom,Toxikita!

Audience: TEE-VEE! TEE-VEE! TEE-

Toxikita: Cheer for me, you fools!

Those who do are drowned out by the Tee-Vee fans.

Eglor: Andnow,theBookofMonsterswillmakehisprediction.

Book of Monsters: Tee-Vee will win, because Tee-Vee beat eleven opponents, and Toxikita only beat eight.

Jestro: That was... lame.

Book of Monsters: MAKE MORE MONSTERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Jestro: Stop Frenzying! I get the idea!

Book of Monsters: Good.

Sensei Wu: Gentlemen, the Ninja are watching Monty Pythor and the Holy Tee-Vee in the shadow theater, which is now a real movie theater. Could you please keep it down?

Amset-Ra: Sure. The User of the Season is Surtatb2007! The Fighter of the Season-

Priest: I hope it's Tee-Vee.

Amset-Ra: is Tee-Vee-

Priest: Yes!

Amset-Ra: -but only to make the Priest of the Tee-Vee happy.

Priest: D'oh!

Amset-Ra: Fighters, the winner will recieve-

AMSET-RA'S SUPER CROWN!

Amset-Ra: Jestro, please start us off.

Jestro: Ready, gentlemen?

Toxikita: Ahem.

Jestro: Set!

Amset-Ra: As in Amset-ra.

Jestro: FIGHT!

Misako: WAIT!

Misako presses a button and a disco ball emerges.

Misako: Now fight!

Tee-Vee: Disco = So Last Millennia

Toxikita: And so do you! Henchmen, get him!

''Two coloured cats, three Alien Conquest Aliens, four oxymorons, and five really cool things emerge from a trap door. Also, there's a random person hidden in robes who is sitting in the crowd. Or are they random? Maybe this is a foreshadowing moment?''

No, really, they're just random.

Or ARE they?

Tee-Vee: Error. Voice Creation process... activated. "Your attempts to create a rendition of the Twelve Days of Toxikita has failed." "None of your henches are men."

Toxikita: Get 'em anyways, henchcats and henchaliens and hench giant shrimp/chilly chile pepper/useless tool/lively skeletons and of course the hench really cool things!

''The cats begin running towards Tee-Vee, who generates a hologram of a dog. The cats begin chasing the hologram, who is chasing its tail. The aliens begin shooting lasers at Tee-Vee, but he utilizes photon-reflectant compounds to make the lasers hit the aliens' guns. The oxymorons realize they can not exist and disappear, to the relief of Dr. Cyber. The really cool things are really cool.''

Kai: Those things are so cool!

Jay: Kai, give back the popcorn, or we'll watch the movie without you!

Eglor: ThingsarenotlookinggoodforToxikita, whohasfoundallofherhenchthingsreallyuseless.

Amset-Ra: Tee-Vee! Tee-Vee! Tee-Vee!

Anubis Guards: Hm... M'lord, perhaps you would like us to give one of the fighters an advantage?

Amset-Ra: Which one?

Anubis Guards: We will choose "randomly".

Amset-Ra: A very good idea! (You're not actually choosing randomly, are you?)

Anubis Guards: (No sir. We bribed this one before hand.)

''The Anubis Guards open a gate which they had installed prior to the battle. From deep within the tunnel, a sound can be heard. It is the sound of trumpets playing at a Spanish Bullfight.''

Amset-Ra: Oh, I remember this!

Tee-Vee: Searching folder: Previous Battles. Wyldstyle vs. Coelophysis selected. Playing video file...

A few minutes later...

Amset-Ra: I'm so giddy to see this! Come out of the tunnel, you wonderful beast!

Toxikita: Yes! Come, and become the Coelophysis in a poisoned pear tree!

Amset-Ra: HE'LL NEVER JOIN YOU!!!!!!!

Eglor: Andnowcomin'roundthebendweseeastrangecreaturewithaninterestinghistory. He'smovin'ataspeedofaroundthirtykilometersanhourwhichwouldmakethistunnelabout-

Tee-Vee: (InsertNumberHere) meters in length.

Eglor: Atruefactthatisverytruehowdoyoufeelaboutahotdog? Ifeellikeahotdog. Where'sahotdogsuitguywhenyouneedone?

Amset-Ra: Nobody needs one.

Eglor: Wellyou'rerightaboutthat. Okaynowherecome'sthatCoelophysis - backtothebattle!

Tee-Vee: Calculating ferocity: >6.2831853070

Jestro: What scale did you use?

Toxikita: Doesn't matter to me, because I'm going to scale this wall using a sharp dragon scale while listening to a musician minifigure play a scale in b-flat!

Frenzy: I CAN GET YOU THOSE ITEMS!!!!!!!

''The person sitting beside Frenzy, who happens to be the cloaked person, jumps in shock and surprise. The capes fall off to reveal... Wyldstyle!''

Wyldstyle: How did you find me!

Frenzy: Well, when you snuck away from the battle, I just followed the scent of your magical hair!

Wyldstyle: That's perfume.

Frenzy: Really? It smells like snake oil.

Perfume Merchant: Oh dear! They've discovered my secret ingredient!

Wyldstyle: Well, you're not getting your hands on my hair this time!

Frenzy: I won't LET YOU!

Wyldstyle: THAT'S RIGHT! Wait, what?

Frenzy: I was impersonating you. Wasn't it so selfish of you to say that I couldn't have your hair?

Wyldstyle: Not in any normal society...

Everyone: Ha! As if minifigures could ever form a normal society.

Jestro: You two are distracting the fighters!

Priest of the Tee-Vee: You DARE to suggest that the almighty, better-than-you, chrome-plated, down-right-dashing, everything-you-ever-desired, fictionalized frequently, good-at-golf, hardly-habitual, inexplicably ingenious, Jovian, king-of-karaoke, lovably lovely, magnificently malleable, natal surgeon, oh-so-omniscient, perfect in all places, quarrel-quelling, righteously regal (But not Reagle), seriously savvy, tremendously intrepid, ultimately unanimous, vindictive (When such a thing is valued), worn and weathered but still weaponizable, x-ray emitting, yodel-yelling, zoology zapping Tee-Vee... Um.. One second...

One second later, the Priest remembers what he was going to say.

Priest of the Tee-Vee: Ah yes, you dare to suggest he, recognizable by displaying the aforementioned attributes, you dare to suggest that HE is not capable of maintaining multiple streams of attention?!

Jestro: Sorry...?

Coelophysis: RAWWR! RAWOOOOR!

Toxikita: Eek!

''The Coelophysis is chasing Toxikita onto the bridge. However, once on the bridge, Toxikita grows poisoned thorns on the ground behind her, and the Coelophysis can't proceed.''

Toxikita: Ha! You're locked out!

Amset-Ra: And you're locked in.

Toxikita: No I'm not, I'll just walk off the other- Oh.

Tee-Vee is standing to block the other side.

Toxikita: Ah, he's just a computer.

Audience: GASP! The ensuing total obliteration of Toxikita has been deemed excessively violent, pain inducing, and totally deserved by that insolent master of poison. But, so is everything on TV these days, so why not show you a bit more... Tee-Vee...

See what I did there? Eglor: Tee-Veeiscreatingwhatappearstobeanarrayoflaserscoveringtheentirearena. Bymycalculations, theselasersareextremelyhot!

Amset-Ra: Even by desert standards!

Toxikita: Ouch!

The following words of pain and agony have been omitted for the comfort of our viewers.

Eglor: WellthatdefinitelyhurtheyI'mstillthinkingaboutthathotdogdidanyonefindmeone? No? Ohmaybeapizzawouldworktoo!

Pizza Delivery Man: What would you like as your toppings?

Eglor: Ohnowthat'satoughdecision... IthinkI'llstickwiththehotdog.

Toxikita: I may be down, but I'm not out yet! If I can beat AntiMatter, then I can beat a simple computer!

Priest of the Tee-Vee: (Insert exclamatory remark about insolence, laziness, and being banished to the land of no LEGO)

Toxikita: That matters not to me! Alien Conquest Aliens, attack!

Alien Conquest Aliens: Uh. We don't know how to attack.

Toxikita: What?!

AC Aliens: We don't have our guns so we're scared of the awesome robot.

Toxikita: What?! How can you be so useless!

Totally not my fault.

Tee-Vee: Running Program: Nuclear Fusion

A blinding light appears as Tee-Vee creates a tiny star which is flung towards Toxikita.

Toxikita: Gah!

Eglor: Inashockingturnofevents, Toxikitajustmanagedtoescapecertaindeath!

''An apparition appears, with the staff of anti-evil. Suddenly, a bolt of red light emerges from it, and Toxikita is struck down.''

Jestro: The winner, winner, winner... TEE-VEE!!!!!!

The Entire Audience: TEE-VEE! TEE-VEE! TEE-VEE!

Amset-Ra: Hey, why's that apparition looking at me?

The apparition is about to obliterate Amset-Ra, but just in the knick of time, the Coelophysis jumps into the air, eating the apparition, and gaining its powers.

Amset-Ra: Well that will be an interesting feature of next season. For now, though, Tee-Vee, most alphabetically awesome of all robots, thou hath become winner of the most precious of items...

AMSET-RA'S SUPER CROWN!

Amset-Ra: And now, back to the Fighting Pyramid! Let's beat those targeted tardy tartar sauce tarzan tarmac tarantula tar pit tarnished tardigrade tarped TARDIS people to a pulp!

Audience: LET'S DO IT!

???: HALT!!!!!

Everyone turns around to see the five aforementioned Aliens.

Aloha: Not with our mothership, you're not.

Amset-Ra: Fine.

''The Aliens take the mothership, and everyone crams themselves into the Millenium Falcon. Somehow Jabba gets his Sail Barge back.''

''Two hours later, they arrive at the pyramid. It would have been three minutes, but Eglor kept saying "Arewethereyetarewethereyetarewethereyet?", Frenzy kept chasing Wyldstyle for her hair, the Book of Monsters broke loose from its chain, and Chewbacca lost three rounds of holochess in a row.''

''Soon, everyone enter the pyramid. They see Ogel at the door.''

Amset-Ra: Hey, aren't you supposed to be in prison?

Ogel: Not today. Quickly, follow me!

''Everyone follow him to Amset-Ra's office, where they see the rest of the Pyramid Staff. The seven members of the TARDIS are tied up, back to back.''

Commander Flash: You'll never get away with this!

Ogel: I can and I will.

Fluminox: The Phoenix king wonders how we should remove the shadows from these fiends.

Wyldstyle: Simple. Let's build a shadow vacuum!

She builds one.

Wyldstyle: Let's see who you are.

''She turns on the vacuum and the shadows slowly vanish. Commander Flash is revealed to be Merlok 2.0, Streak is Clay, Spike is Lance, DJ is Aaron, Rose is Macy, and Brawn is Axl. Gasps arise from the crowd.''

Amset-Ra: That was a lousy way to promote Nexo Knights!

Merlok 2.0: Was it?

Amset-Ra: Don't play dumb with me! I need some answers! Were you aware that your enemy was with us tonight?

Clay: No!

Amset-Ra: You, Merlok Holmes, how did you put yourself back in physical form?

Merlok 2.0: Simple. I used a special kind of hologram.

Amset-Ra: Where is Dr. Inferno?

Dr. Inferno: Here!

Everyone turns to him.

Mace Windu: How did you escape from that trap?

Dr. Inferno: You had nothing to fear. That was only a hologram. While it was active, I built... this.

He displays a time freeze disc.

Dr. Inferno: This may come in handy someday.

''An eighth shadowy figure emerges. Wyldstyle vacuums the shadows from it, revealing it to be Ava Prentiss.''

Ava: I'm only the cameragirl.

Wyldstyle also vacuums the shadows from the Strike Stones, revealing them to be the NEXO Powers.

Amset-Ra: Where did those come from?

Merlok 2.0: I-I'm a collector.

Amset-Ra: Thank you for your cooperation. CORONA!

BZZZZZZZNNNNNNN!!!

TARDIS: EENNDD SSEEAASSOONN TWWOOOOOoooo...

Ding!

Soon, a random award ceremony takes place, and everyone recieves medals.

Two weeks later...

Amset-Ra: That was some adventure, wasn't it? I hope we don't have that much espionage in one season again.

Ogel: Well, Amset, did you know that I was the first espionage villain?

Amset-Ra: Go. Back. To. Jail.

Ogel: Noooo-

SLAM!!

Amset-Ra begins to eat some energy crystals.

Amset-Ra: Aahh, it's so good to be back with my season finale food.

Tremorox: TREMOR-EMOR-EMOR!

Amset-Ra: Ah! End Season 2!

Amset-Ra is making plans for Season 3. He agrees with Commandosaur that this season wasn't as good as it could be.

Dr. Inferno's time freeze disc malfunctioned, and Season 3 began three years after the date it should have started.

Ogel stayed in jail for those three years.

Eglor has become a master of tongue twisters.

Grundal is now the lead singer of the Grundal 5.

Tee-Vee is pronounced awesome by the Priest of the Tee-Vee, who has been uncovered as a phony by Amset-Ra.

Toxikita has hired a new army of henchmen.

Frenzy is patenting his own recipe for magic hair, much to Wyldstyle's dismay.

Mace Windu has become the first Pyramid Hero.

Jestro has officially joined the VCE, although they think the whole Book of Monsters thing is weird.

The TARDIS have been banned to the Kingdom of Knighton, where they now fight lava monsters for a living.

The Alien Queen has put a 50-digit combination lock on her mothership.

Alfred manufactured the lock as a punishment.

The other Aliens upgraded the mothership with a tracking device... just in case it's stolen again.

Terry is doing everything he can to get more popular.

AntiMatter punished and rewarded Toxikita for beating him.

See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

How much did you enjoy Tee-Vee vs. Toxikita? 1 (Least) 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Most)