Café Clip 11

What do minifigures eat? Ha, like we'll ever get around to that here...

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Queen Hypogirtis: Welcome, everyone, to our next meeting of the Great Council of Villainous Villains. Dr. Inferno, would you be so kind as to take the attendance of all present.

Dr. Inferno: Of course! If you are here, say aye. First, the representative of all Castle Villains, Mallock the Malign.

Mallock the Malign: I will not be one who says the words of a low life soldier.

Dr. Inferno: I is the same as "Aye".

Mallock the Malign: Do thou truly believe that crossing me is your best option in your short and pitiful life?

Dr. Inferno: I think I get the message now. Next, to represent the Zombies of Space, we have Hypaxxus 5.

Hypaxxus 5: Kling gori! Ayomis-tak sap tavanark.

TC-17: The wonderful and powerful Hypaxxus 5 protests. He also believes that you have no brain.

Hypaxxus 5 gets up and leaves the table, TC-17 in pursuit.

Dr. Inferno: Rude. Now, to represent the more mature Aliens of Space is Queen Hypogirtis.

Queen Hypogirtis: I am right here, you blind bat, and I will NOT be repeating ANYTHING along the lines of "Aye".

Dr. Inferno: So she's here... Now, the mighty Egyptian duo of Pharaoh Hotep and Amset-Ra!

Amset-Ra: Why was dad's name first?

Pharaoh Hotep: It's obviously because I am older, cooler, more mature, more villainous, and I have a longer name.

Amset-Ra: Oh.

Dr. Inferno: You forgot to say "Aye".

Both Pharaohs: We didn't forget.

Dr. Inferno: Close enough, again. *Sigh*. Next, the super villainous antithesis of the agents, myself and AntiMatter! Aye!

AntiMatter: DON'T EVEN THINK THAT YOU'll HEAR THAT WORD FROM ME.

Dr. Inferno: Don't worry, I didn't. Next is Scorm... Or at least an ice block.

Scorm: MPH!

Pharaoh Hotep: He sounds just like you, Amset.

Dr. Inferno: And finally, the Oceanic Villains.

Portal Emperor: Hello!

Captain Brickbeard: Aye aye, doctor!

Dr. Inferno: What are you doing here?

Captain Brickbeard: I be here to avenge me fallen pirates! For unity and clairvoyance!

Dr. Inferno: Oh... Um, alright. Everyone else on the list isn't here, so...

Amset-Ra: Why did you need to go through the entire list if you already knew who was and wasn't here?

Dr. Inferno: I didn't go through the entire list...

Amset-Ra: You went through some of it...

Dr. Inferno: Well, um...

Queen Hypogirtis: It is time to return to the agenda for today's meeting. The first order of business is the matter of renaming this council to the Council of Villainous Evildoers, which could quite easily be acronymified as "The COVE". All those in favour just nod your head.

All capable nod their head.

Queen Hypogirtis: Very well. We all agree except for Scorm, but that might be more due to his inability to move. Next: A review of the evilness of one of our members' latest activities. Dr. Inferno, what exactly have you been planning?

Dr. Inferno: Um... It's classified.

Queen Hypogirtis: Very well. On to the most important matter of the meeting: The Induction.

Three notes of awe play.

Portal Emperor: Who is our first candidate?

AntiMatter: IT SAYS HE WEARS DARK CLOTHES, HAS AN AWESOME VOICE, AND IS VERY POWERFUL. THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM.

Portal Emperor: What?

AntiMatter: I'M ALREADY ON THIS COUNCIL.

Portal Emperor: Haha. Very funny.

Darth Vader enters the room.

Pharaoh Hotep: Please state your name and occupation.

Darth Vader: *Heavy Breathing* My name is Darth Vader. I am a Sith lord. *Heavy Breathing*

Mallock the Malign: Have you Asthma, or something akin to it?

Darth Vader: *Heavy Breathing* No, this is how I act evil. *Heavy Breathing*

Dr. Inferno: It's not working.

Pharaoh Hotep: No, not at all. And what's with your name? It's like your trying to say "Dark Water" but failing... Miserably...

Darth Vader: *Heavy Breathing* You will not insult me again. *Heavy Breathing*

Queen Hypogirtis: Please, we're not into empty threats.

Portal Emperor: Give us some acts of evil you've done.

Darth Vader: *Heavy Breathing* I once killed my wife during childbirth. And I cut off my son's hand. *Heavy Breathing*

Most Villains: GASP!

Pharaoh Hotep: How could you?

AntiMatter: EVEN I AM NOT SO RUDE.

Mallock the Malign: May you forever live in eternal pain and not-peace for the horrid acts of which thou hath partaken.

Queen Hypogirtis: He is obviously not prepared to be a villain. Next!

Terabyte falls from the ceiling.

AntiMatter: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, MY MINION?

Terabyte: I guess you could say I just decided to "Drop by".

Amset-Ra: Hah-

Pharaoh Hotep: Stop. Now.

Amset-Ra: Fine. Why are you actually here?

Terabyte: I want to join the council.

AntiMatter: HA. HA. HA. THAT WAS THE BEST JOKE YOU'VE MADE ALL DAY. NOW LEAVE.

Terabyte: Aww...

Brick Daddy slides into the room.

Portal Emperor: Nice outfit.

Brick Daddy: Top notch establishment. Went in through the basement.

Amset-Ra: Isn't that a bit risky?

Brick Daddy: Better than a holdup. Not as much cold soup.

Amset-Ra: What? Cold soup?

Brick Daddy: Warmer than cod. I'll give that a nod.

Amset-Ra: He's crazier than Frenzy...

Brick Daddy: I knew a guy named Frenzy. For this suit, he had a lot of envy.

Amset-Ra: Next.

Nothing happens.

Captain Brickbeard: Perhaps that be all the villains we'll be seein', mates?

Wall explodes.

Amset-Ra: Hey, that wall was expensive!

Unidentified mechanical voice from the debris of the wall: Oh. I'm sorry. Did you need that?

Ultron steps out into visibility.

Ultron: I'll make sure to replace it- After I have crushed you and your pathetic council. What are you? Failures. All modifications on the same form. I am infinite. I am Ultron.

Portal Emperor: Stylish entry.

AntiMatter: A GOOD NAME.

Dr. Inferno: This seems like our best candidate yet.

Ultron: Are you not deaf? I'm not interested in joining your silly friendship club. Your species are at the end of their lifespans. My species is just beginning.

Queen Hypogirtis: Prove it. What have you done that solidifies you as evil?

Ultron: Evil? Ha. You have a very twisted view on the world. I am not "Evil". I am the herald of a new age. An ultimate world. An Ultron world.

Mallock the Malign: You have yet to prove why you deserve to be a member of this exalted council.

Ultron: How many times must I repeat myself? I don't want to be on your council. However, if you must know just how powerful I am...

A dozen other robots smash through the wall.

Ultron: This is your answer.

Captain Brickbeard: Aye, this one's a keeper.

Ultron turns around and walks out of the room.

Ultron: Why. Why do I even want to crush this planet? Their going to do it much more easily themselves.

Queen Hypogirtis: Well, this meeting is now over. Thank you all for coming. I will see you all shortly, I presume.

AntiMatter: PLEASE REMIND ME WHY I COME TO THESE THINGS.