Geonosis Clone Trooper vs. Lord Vladek vs. Skeleton

Amset-Ra is soaking in his forbidden hot tub when Pharaoh Hotep approaches him.

Amset-Ra: I meant to say this last battle, but how come I'm still here when I really wanted to come with you to stop Shadow, Bird, and Tech?

Pharaoh Hotep: Those coronas still hurt...

Amset-Ra: And how come you're still here when you took your team out to stop Shadow, Bird, and Tech?!I

Pharaoh Hotep: The same reason you're hearing the others in the background.

???: Give me back my hair!

???: NO WAY!!!!!!!

???: Update complete.

???: Excellent, my authentic, beautiful, creative...

Pharaoh Hotep: See?

Amset-Ra: How... What...

Pharaoh Hotep: What is this sorcery, you ask? Well, myself and some of the other Pyramid Staff members are from a parallel universe.

Amset-Ra: Cliché.

Pharaoh Hotep: No, really! NexoByte made all this up just to use the characters while Surtatb2007 is away.

Amset-Ra: Ah. That explains a lot.

Pharaoh Hotep: Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take a pill for my LEGO Overwatch hype.

He leaves the room.

Amset-Ra: Wait, there a pills to cure hype? Oh wait, those are chill pills.

He has a double take.

Amset-Ra: LEGO Overwatch?! I need one of those pills!

He gets out of the hot tub, almost forgetting his wraps, and runs after his dad.

Amset-Ra: Never run by a pool. Don't be a hypocrite like me.

Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid!

Audience: YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhuh?

Wyldstyle: Believe me, I know. This is weird. I'm supposed to be captured by Shadow, Bird, and Tech right now. But here I am. I'm from a parallel universe! Did any of you read the Before the Battle section?

''About a dozen minifigures raise their hands. A few flash sheepish grins.''

Amset-Ra: Psst! The seat coronas!

Wyldstyle: I forgot about those!

She presses a button, and all the minifigures who didn't raise their hands are burnt up by Amset-Ra's spare crowns lying under the seats.

Amset-Ra: Thst's right, I own about 7,000 crowns!

Wyldstyle: What about wraps?

Amset-Ra: Got plenty of those. One of 'em is even signed by Mr. Gold himself!

Audience: REALLY?!

Vladek: That really doesn't matter. I've got a helmet forged with fire and signed by the great Tee-Vee!

The audience cheers.

Wyldstyle: Oh no! I accidentally hit the button for invisibility!

Amset-Ra: It's not your fault. Both buttons are white with green trim and labeled "Press this button to make your annoying guests disappear".

Wyldstyle: Okay. In the Red Corner, the long-time-serving clone with the long name, GCT!

GCT: Second only to Specialized Geo-

Wyldstyle: Right, I get the idea. In the Yellow Corner (the Green Corner is in for repairs), the unspeakable one's ancestor and great king of Morcia, Lord Vladek!

King Mathias: Traitor!

Vladek: Yes! I'm totally soaking up the glory right now!

Ogel: You go, Gramps!

Amset-Ra: Like father, like evil conqueror...

Ogel: I feel misrepresented!

Wyldstyle: In the Blue Corner is a single skeleton.

Amset-Ra: Apparently this skeleton doesn't speak.

Wyldstyle: Apparently Ogel is predicting today.

Amset-Ra: Again?!

Ogel: Most definitely the Skeleton will win. He does, after all, look like one of my Skeleton Drones.

He falls through the Green Corner.

Ogel: Aaaahhhh...

Crunch.

Amset-Ra: I could have told you the Green Corner was in for repairs!

Ogel: Aaahhh! Poison Ivy's plants and stuff! They burrrrrn!

Poison Ivy: Now you know why it's called the Green Corner!

Vladek: I'm avenging Junior right now!

WOP!

Amset-Ra: Aaaahhhhh...

Ding!

Wyldstyle: Well, I guess Tee-Vee gets to start the battle!

Tee-Vee: Battle:start.

GCT: Watch the hole in the Green Corner!

Vladek: It'll be your grave!

Wyldstyle: Vladek tries to lunge toward GCT, but the clone leaps over the Green Corner!

''Crash! RattleRattle''

GCT: Oh, it's you, Mr. Skeleton. I forgot you were here.

Vladek: Skeletons were a staple in various Castle subthemes.

GCT: So?

Vladek: And I've been reading past battles.

GCT: So?

Vladek: And one of the fighters was named Frakjaw.

GCT: So?

Vladek: And he was a skeleton.

GCT: So?

Vladek: And his head was used as cannon fodder.

GCT: So what's your point?

Vladek: I'm going to use the Skeleton as a weapon!

GCT: I kinda saw that coming.

Vladek: Construct!

GCT: You know, it's really not necessary to announce your-

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Wyldstyle: It's a cannon.

Vladek: Not just any old cannon. No, it's a Geonosian Cannon!

GCT: How flattering.

Vladek: It's kinda really powerful. Hopefully powerful enough to destroy you in one hit.

GCT: With this kind of armor? Highly unlikely.

Vladek: But your own gun can kill you.

GCT: It's a risk I'm willing to take.

Pew pew pew!

GCT: Huh?

Pewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpew!

Wyldstyle: GCT shoots at the Geonosian Cannon, but a force field is rendering his efforts useless!

Vladek: Even Ogel's tech is dated. I affiliated myself with Blacktron two years ago, and they lent me this force field projector.

Load!

Vladek: Now I've loaded the entire Skeleton into the cannon. Goodbye, Geonosis Clone Trooper!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Vladek: There must have been a technical failure! The cannon as just imploded!

Wyldstyle: A cookie to whoever finds the Q in the above sound effect!

Plop.

GCT: It appears the Skeleton survived.

RattleRattleRattle

GCT: And now it's standing up!

Vladek: Skeleton! Don't you remember me? You were Unit DL309 in my army!

GCT: Only Castle 2007 has a DL legion. And besides, I don't think you used skeletons in Morcia.

Vladek: Curses! A minor oversight at worst, though.

Snap.

GCT: Blast him!

Pewpewpewpewpewpewpewpew!

Wyldstyle: The Skeleton has successfully blocked GCT's lasers using its arm! I guess we can say he is considered armless and dangerous!

Vladek: No puns allowed here! Fortunately I still have a spare halberd from my back pocket!

GCT: What do you plan to use it for?

Vladek: I'm going to make chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop-

Wyldstyle: And something happened to Vladek's voice! Who could have seen that coming, ladies and gentlemen?!

Vladek: Ahem. As I was saying before my voice enhancer gave way, I'm going to make chop suey out of the Skeleton and save GCT for dessert.

GCT: I assure you, I'm not tasty. *points* Incoming!

''Throw! Wham!''

GCT: Gah!

Vladek: Baseball was always my specialty.

Wyldstyle: The Skeleton threw its arm at Vladek, who batted it at GCT with his halberd!

GCT: You know what? The Skeleton is taking up too much room.

Lift!

GCT: Hey Ogel! Want an extra soldier?

Ogel: You're throwing the Skeleton down here, right?

GCT: Yeah!

Ogel: It can't be a Skeleton Drone unless it was a normal minifigure before, you know.

GCT: Oh... Well have it anyway!

Toss!

Ogel: Ouch!

Tee-Vee: Ring-out. Skeleton:Eliminated.

Vladek: Wanna join him?

GCT: Nah, I think you should. Your descendant is down there, after all.

Vladek: He can climb out. Unlike you...

GCT: Construct!

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Vladek: Hey! You can't play my own joke back on me!

GCT: That's right. I just built a Geonosian Cannon. Now where's the firing button... Oh, here it is!

Press.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!

Tee-Vee: GCT:Eliminated. Winner:Vladek.

Wyldstyle: GCT's own cannon blew up on him. Must have been a Skeleton in there...

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Shark Suit Guy: I found the Q!

Tee-Vee: 🍪

Audience: YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE3EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA4HHHHHHHHHHH!

That night...

Ogel: *to the Skeleton* ...and so I finally maintained order in LEGO City, with everyone being Skeleton Drones. Wasn't that a great story? I wonder when help will arrive... Or maybe they'll fix up the Green Corner.

Amset-Ra's house.

Vakama: *on TV* ...chop chop chop chop chop chop...

Amset-Ra: That's gonna be my new ringtone. Here's to another pointless ending!

See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

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