Alien vs. Metalbeard

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Let's assume there's something battle-related here...

Season 3, Round 1, Battle 23 (109th battle overall)

Written by Nexobyte on December 28, 2016

The Announcer Wyldstyle

The Referee TBA

The Predictor You-Know-Who from Alpha Team

The Red Corner Alien Woe unto the impossible Alien, the one destined to overthrow the most ABCDEF, etc. Tee-Vee!

Rank 14; 4-2 Nominated by Commandosaur

The Green Corner

Nominated by

The Yellow Corner

Nominated by

The Blue Corner Metalbeard The return of the mech pirate! May he avenge the most ABCDEF, etc. Tee-Vee!

Rank 45; 1-0 Nominated by Commandosaur

Before the Battle

Amset-Ra: Nothing to see here, move along at your own risk!

The Battle

Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid! Due to the Pluuvian government filing a complaint against us on account of our Decibel-brand speakers' deafening sound, we have taken them down. However, we have replaced them with Anti-Frenzy guns!

Elsewhere in the pyramid...

Pewpewpewpewpew!

Frenzy:"' Whoa! You could have hit me with that! Yikes! These things are everywhere!

Back in the stadium...

Wyldstyle: Not to mention I set up a security laser beam system to protect my hair, and Morro is standing by with a freeze ray missile launcher. Anyway, let's meet our contestants, who just so happen to be from our early days!

Amset-Ra: What is this, a game show?

Wyldstyle: Nah. Those are too bland. Hockey games are more exciting than game shows, and even their fights are frowned upon. Anyway, in the Red Corner, the almost pathetic Alien!

Alien: Hey! I beat Tee-Vee last match.

Wyldstyle: Yup. Almost pathetic. In the Blue Corner, the larger-than-life pirate Metalbeard!

Metalbeard: Aye! After nearly two years, Metalbeard be back fer more action!

Alien: I can take you down!

Metalbeard: Says the wimpy spacelubber who couldn't even beat Toxikita last season.

Alien: But I beat Jek-14, Lord Garmadon, and Tee-Vee!

Metalbeard: Aye, but they be all beaten by sheer luck.

Alien: Just like you beat AntiMatter by sheer luck?

Metalbeard: ...Look, matey, just admit that I be the better fighter!

Alien: Let's see... *comparing ranks* Rank 14... Rank 45... That should tell you a lot right there.

Metalbeard: ...

Wyldstyle: Make your prediction, Alpha-Team-Villain-Whose-Name-Is-Not-To-Be-Mentioned-In-This-Pyramid.

Ogel: Metalbeard.

Wyldstyle: See ya.

A random trebuchet throws him into a random portal.

Wyldstyle: Much better. Now, as Tee-Vee has sustained critical damage last match (and Alien will pay for that), he is in our sadistic Dr. Inferno's lab.

In Dr. Inferno's lab...

Dr. Inferno: How do you feel, Tee-Vee?

Tee-Vee: Recovery = 94%.

Dr. Inferno: Oh, where's your priest?

Tee-Vee: Location unknown.

Back at the match...

Wyldstyle: So General Magmar will be our referee. Magmar?

General Magmar: That's Mama Luigi Supreme Glorious General to you, civilian. And begin this match posthaste.

The Saber-Tooth Walker falls on him.

Sir Fangar: Do not steal my gloooooorious speech style, inferior servant of a book!

General Magmar: I AM NOT THE SERV- oh yeah...

Alien: Construct!

Wyldstyle: Alien is building an ETX Strike Ship!

Alien: You're going down!

Metalbeard: Shiver me timbers! Ye be an easy target!

Woosh!

Alien: You missed! Activate attack mode!

Wyldstyle: Metalbeard tried to swing his sword at Alien, but missed!

Metalbeard: I've got me a gnarly idea...

Wyldstyle: What's this? Metalbeard is... running forward with his sword low? And now... he's using it as a vaulting pole?

Alien: What...

Metalbeard: Prepare to be boarded, spacelubber!

Alien: No... No... No...

Metalbeard: Permission to land this ship?

Alien: Denied.

Alien pulls out a crystal staff.

Alien Queen: THAT'S MINE.

Havek: What happened?

Alien Queen: First that runt stole my fleet, and now he has my staff. Shoot that insubordinate's craft down at once.

Havek: Yes, Your Majesty.

Havek signals several Aliens, who drag in a stolen Geonosian Cannon. They fire it at Alien's ship. It is a direct hit!

Alien: Whoa! Friendly fire!

Havek: I think not.

Metalbeard: Ye've betrayed yer crew, matey.

Mealbeard jumps just before the ship crashes to avoid the explosion. He lands on the rubble.

General Magmar: (from underneath the rubble of the Saber-Tooth Walker) I declare Metalbeard the champion of the land!

Metalbeard: Aye! This is only me second victory!

Alien: (from underneath the rubble of his own ship) And hopefully your last...

After the Battle

Amset-Ra: Is it it just me, or are these battles getting shorter and shorter? Anyway, here's to a nonexistent ending!

The Winner

Metalbeard

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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.