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This is a battle. No, seriously. It is.
Season 3, Round 1, Battle 29 (115th battle overall)
Written by Nexobyte on March 12, 2017
The Announcer

Wyldstyle (again)
The Referee

Tee-Vee (again)
The Predictor

The Cumulonimbus of Awesome aka Cloud of Monstrox
The Red Corner
Captain Brickbeard
Captain Brickbeard
We've definitely had enough pirates this season, but this one is still tops.

Rank 35; 1-0
Nominated by Punctuation Penguin
The Green Corner

Nominated by
The Yellow Corner

Nominated by
The Blue Corner
It's shocking how many repeat fighters we've had this season.

Rank 18; 2-1
Nominated by NexoByte

Before the Battle - Double Feature!

Aboard the Death Star, Darth Vader and one of his officers watch as the Death Star laser sizzles from a recent blast.

Officer: Lord Vader, that was a most spectacular explosion.

Darth Vader: And a most fitting end to the LEGO Message Boards. I had to destroy their broadcasting planet since they would not listen to my pointless demands.

Another officer runs up.

Officer 1: It is not customary to run on the Death Star. Jogging for health, however, is acceptable.

Officer 2: The rebels are attacking the Death Star!

Darth Vader looks out the window.

Darth Vader: Those aren't rebels. That's WhiteAlligator and her Mod Squad! They're taking their revenge on us! Prepare my TIE Fighter!

Darth Vader leaves.

Officer 2: Lord Vader isn't usually this excited.

Officer 1: There's more to this than we think...

Soon, Vader is in hot pursuit of WhiteAlligator.

Darth Vader: I gotta beat the Mod Squad so I can play the new LEGO Worlds game!

WhiteAlligator: Vader's on my tail! Requesting backup!

Soon, other mods, including OceanBella and IrrationalSeagull, are right behind Vader.

Darth Vader: Piece of cake.

He pulls up, and the Mod Squad's shots hit WhiteAlligator's ship.

WhiteAlligator: I'll be back, Anakin!

Darth Vader: That's something a bad guy would say. Wait, how did you know my real name?!

A few days before, in the Agents' secret base in LEGO City... (Okay, so maybe it's not so secret after all...)

Agent Chase: Guys, I've just been called to Billund.

Agent Charge: That's a high honor! What for?

Agent Chase: I've gotten word that Dr. Inferno has quit his job at Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid, broke out Dyna-Mite, and together escaped to the new LEGO Worlds realm.

Agent Swipe: Why her?

Agent Swift: She was the cheapest villain to break out.

Agent Charge: Besides, if I recall correctly, she was one of the last of Dr. Inferno's henchmen to be arrested.

Agent Fuse: Really? I thought she was arrested before the doctor's robot took to the streets.

Agent Trace: The Magma Drones broke her out later.

Agent Fuse: So what does all this have to do with Billund?

Agent Chase: Because LEGO House, which is under construction, has a portal which leads to the LEGO Worlds realm.

Agent Trace: Be careful, Chase.

Agent Chase: Actually, Trace, I think you should come with me.

Agent Trace: Wow! Thanks, Chase!

Agent Charge: Bye, guys, and be careful.

Chase and Trace soon catch the early flight to Billund.

Agent Trace: How do you feel knowing we're PlayStation 4 exclusives?

Agent Chase: To sum up my thoughts... it's good to be back in business.

Meanwhile, at Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid...

Amset-Ra: Wherefore art thou, Dr. Inferno?

He sees a note on Dr. Inferno's desk.

Note: Gone to wreak havoc in LEGO Worlds. Be back soon. Dr. Inferno.

Amset-Ra: Well, that figures. He used to be my old announcer. At least I still have Wyldstyle. But now that Dr. Inferno's gone, who will manage my Fearamids?

Pharaoh Hotep: I can do that, son.

Amset-Ra: What? But I thought that-

Pharaoh Hotep: Now don't you fret, Amset-Ra. I've handled technology before.

Amset-Ra: Oh, boy...

Soon, sparks fly from one of the Fearamids.

Pharaoh Hotep: ARGH! When I said I've handled technology before, the technology wasn't on my side!

Amset-Ra: The power switch is right here, Dad.

Pharaoh Hotep: Oh. Thanks.

Amset-Ra: Now before this gets any more gruesome, I suggest we head to the next section.

The fourth wall falls on the camera.

The Battle

Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid!


Wyldstyle: ...Okay...

Tee-Vee: Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid = Welcome.




Wyldstyle: What's with him?

Amset-Ra: He's our new crowd motivator.

Tee-Vee: Red Corner = Captain Brickbeard.

Captain Brickbeard: Yaharr! This battle be mine tonight!

Tee-Vee: Blue Corner = Electrolyzer.

Electrolyzer: Thiz time, no one will ztop me vrom advanzing to Round Three!

Wyldstyle: That's kinda believable now, since Frenzy already fought, and Pohatu is still mourning the retirement of his theme.

Tee-Vee: Cloud of Monstrox = Predict.

Cloud of Monstrox: Now this is a predicament. Captain Brickbeard is the revived soul of Redbeard; Electrolyzer is the world's most hated electrician. Brickbeard can only attack with his sword unless he can construct water for his ship, which is downright impossible. Electrolyzer can attack from great distances and heights. My vote goes to Electrolyzer!

Electrolyzer: We're gonna get along great one of these dayz...

Tee-Vee: Battle:start.

Captain Brickbeard: Construct!

Cloud of Monstrox: If he constructs water, I'll be dazzled.

Captain Brickbeard: Nay, skylubber, I be constructing an airship!

Wyldstyle: You heard him; he just built a flying pirate ship!

Sensei Wu: That looks identical to the Destiny's Bounty except for the big dragon head at the front. And why am I still called Sensei Wu? I thought I was called Master Wu.

A guy walks in and drags him out.

Guy: Sorry, he's not finished with his scenes from the LEGO Ninjago Movie yet.

Electrolyzer: A vlying pirate zhip... No biggie. I deztroyed a vleet of zem yezterday.

Captain Brickbeard: Shiver me timbers!

Electrolyzer: Yezzzz... I will cauze all ze timberz of your zhip to zhiver.


Captain Brickbeard: Alas, matey, I read the LEGO Idea Book. Havin' seen Barney Main's ship with the lightning catchers, I knew exactly how t' prepare fer this match.

Electrolyzer: ARGH!

Captain Brickbeard: Now ye be soundin' jus' like me!

Wyldstyle: Electrolyzer tried to zap Brickbeard's ship into pieces, but the lightning catchers rendered his attack useless.

Amset-Ra: Hey! Tee-Vee's announcing here!

Audience: YEAH, WYLDSTYLE! WE WERE BORN TO HEAR TTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-VVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wyldstyle: ...Oh.

Electrolyzer: I do not have to deztroy your zhip to zuczeed. I have other wayz to do that.

Captain Brickbeard: Don't ye be gettin' any ideas, matey!

Electrolyzer: It'z too late for that, pirate. Ztart the countdown for the EMP bomb.

Captain Brickbeard: Oh, don't be silly now. If ye really need to pester me, meet me in me cabin. Jus' don't expect it to be easy to get thar!

He heads for his cabin.

Electrolyzer: ...3...2...1...Releaze.


Tee-Vee: EMP explosion level:very high.

Wyldstyle: Yeah, but is Brickbeard okay?

A window in the side of the ship opens.

Captain Brickbeard: Nice try, landlubber! I still have power... and cable... and wi-fi! Nyarharharharr!

Shut! Latch!

Electrolyzer: Fraidy cat...


Electrolyzer: But alaz, you have no glazz vor your window!

Captain Brickbeard: Catch me if ye can!

Electrolyzer: Challenge aczepted.

Wyldstyle: All the action seems to be happening inside, so we'll send up our Flying Mummy cameraman!

Tee-Vee: Send Flying Mummy.

Flying Mummy: CAW!

Crash! Bam!

Electrolyzer: Ztupid hovercraft! Or, zhould I zaty, ztupid window! Now I'll have to get in there myzelf!

Captain Brickbeard: Really now, matey. Don't think that I be not havin' the latest tech!



Electrolyzer: HA! Electricity beatz water! Your zprinkler zyztem iz no match for-


Captain Brickbeard: Me anvil?

Tee-Vee: Winner:Captain Brickbeard.

Brickbeard parachutes out of his ship.

Amset-Ra: Nice work, pal. You just put another lame minifigure out of business. Not to mention hiding out in a prototype Destiny's Bounty wasn't so bad, either.

Captain Brickbeard: Are we already near the end of the first half of this season.

Amset-Ra: Sadly, yes. I've got to go and make arrangements for Round 2.

After the Battle

Dr. Inferno: Well, what kind of havoc shall we play, Dyna-Mite?

Dyna-Mite:Why don't we blow up the whole world?

Dr. Inferno: Brilliant!

Agent Chase: Stop right there, Doc!

Dr. Inferno: Argh! I'm caught!

Agent Chase: Yep.

Agent Trace: These After the Battle sections are getting more and more cheesy, primitive, and lame...

The Winner
Captain Brickbeard
Captain Brickbeard
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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

How much did you enjoy Captain Brickbeard vs. Electrolyzer?

The poll was created at 03:28 on January 27, 2018, and so far 0 people voted.
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