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BAHT'-L - n - Any of a number of combats. Synonyms: fight, skirmish, melée, brawl, combat, war.
Season 3, Round 1, Battle 3 (89th battle overall)
Written by NexoByte on February 29, 2016
The Announcer

The Referee

Darth Vader's Apprentice
The Predictor

The Red Corner
Due to certain events, this dinosaur now represents all that is good. Which is not good for villains like me.

Rank 36; 1-1
Nominated by Coelophysis
The Green Corner
Don't laugh at his name. Having the flu is no joke, especially in war.

Unranked; 0-1
Nominated by Commandosaur
The Yellow Corner
Geonosian Zombie
Geonosian Zombie
Wait, Star Wars had zombies? Must be an influence from the Monster Fighters side of the Force.

Nominated by Punctuation Penguin
The Blue Corner

Nominated by

Before the Battle

My name is Amset-Ra.

I was one captured by a notorious jumping frog of Calaveras County time-traveling group of warriors known as the TARDIS. Their efforts to steal the Super Crown are chronicled in the second half of Season 2.

True to Sensei Wu's prophecy, it took seven to beat seven. The TARDIS have been unmasked and banned, thanks to my trusty Corona.

Now, a party is underway...

Update: Now, we are cleaning up after the party...

Amset-Ra: That was some adventure, wasn't it?

Pharaoh Hotep: Indeed, it was incredible. Say, how did you award the crown to Tee-Vee if the TARDIS were after it?

Amset-Ra: Good question. I knew they were after the crown, so I put a decoy in my closet.

Pharaoh Hotep: So where was the real one?

Amset-Ra: In Ogel's suitcase.

Later, the trash is thrown into the junkyard behind the Fighting Pyramid.

Amset-Ra: Wow, I bet we could make some neat stuff with some of this trash.

An hour later, he presents his creations to Hotep.

Amset-Ra: Behold! Toa Anuba, Master and Uniter of Sand! The Protector of Sand! And, uh, I can't think of a name for the Creature of Sand.

Anuba is a tall, stately Toa who's head resembles one of an Anubis Guard. The Creature resembles a scarab, and the Protector is dark tan and holds a scythe.

Pharaoh Hotep: ...You built a Toa out of trash.

Amset-Ra: Yup! Wow, look at that Creature eat! I think I'll name him Vakum.

Pharaoh Hotep: A most fitting name!

???: Fe, fi, fo, fum! I want some Creatures, um... I'm Umarak the Hunter, not a poet.

Amset-Ra: Guys! Hide!

Anuba bursts through the wall of the pyramid, and Vakum and the Protecror follow. Umarak arrives.

Umarak: Yo. You guys seen any Creatures?

Amset-Ra: Uh, nope! No Great Elemental Creatures here! Why don't you try Heartlake City?

Umarak: 'Kay.

He leaves.

Amset-Ra: That was close.

An Anubis Guard rushes up to Amset-Ra.

Anubis Guard: Lord Ra! Your Toa is sending the staff into a panic!

Amset-Ra: I'm coming.

The Battle

Darth Vader's Apprentice is sitting in the café, pouting.

DVA: Why did I have to lose three battles in a row?

Amset-Ra enters.

DVA: I, Galen Marek, am one of the most powerful Sith apprentices out there, and now I have the worst record ever!

Amset-Ra: I can help you.

DVA: How?

Amset-Ra: I'll let you be ref. How does that sound?

DVA: Great! Thanks, Amset-Ra!


Tee-Vee: Greetings.


Tee-Vee: Contract_sign.exe: Announcer for Season 3 = True.

Audience: YEAH!

Tee-Vee: Red Corner = Coelophysis.

Coelophysis: ROAR!

Amset-Ra and DVA enter.

Amset-Ra: I like him. Short, straight, and to the point!

DVA: I kinda don't. Long, curved, and to the bulky end!

Amset-Ra: ...You planned that statement.

Tee-Vee: Green Corner = Achu.


Crash! Ding!

DVA: Achu is eliminated!

Achu Fans: BOOOOOOO!

Tee-Vee: Yellow Corner = Geonosian Zombie.

Geonosian Zombie: Braaaiiiins...

Surtatb2007: Actually, a Geonosian Zombie is an exoskeleton controlled by a brain worm.

Geonosian Zombie: Brains?

Dr. Brains: What is it? What do you need?

Geonosian Zombie: Brains.

Dr. Brains: Okay!

Brainstein: What are you doing?

The Zombie flies out of the ring and cracks the brain-jar.

DVA: The Geonosian Zombie is-

Amset-Ra: Still in.

DVA: Oh.

Tee-Vee: Ogel.

Amset-Ra: What about that nobody?

Tee-Vee: Predictor = True.

Amset-Ra: Not on my watch!

Ogel: It is down to Coelophysis and the Geonosian Zombie. I hope the Coelophysis likes bugs, because the Zombie doesn't stand a chance!

Amset-Ra: That'll be 30 Coronas.

Ogel: Nooooo-


Amset-Ra: Every time Ogel is dragged away, I'm tempted to eat energy crystals.

He goes to the café to get a bag of energy crystals.

Tee-Vee: Galen Marek.

DVA: Fight in the name of my Master, Darth Vader!

Darth Vader: I find your lack of rudeness disturbing.

Geonosian Zombie: Braaaiiinnnss...


Amset-Ra: No doubt you long-time fans know what that sound is.

Tee-Vee: Model = Geonosian Cannon.

Coelophysis: Rrrooaarr!


Tee-Vee: Model = MT-51 Claw-Tank.

Amset-Ra: That's beyond my wildest imaginations! I didn't know dinosaurs could build things!

Tee-Vee: Announcer = Me.

Amset-Ra: Sorry.


Amset-Ra: The two vehicles are attacking each other, and now the Claw-Tank grabbed the Geonosian Cannon!

Tee-Vee: Initiating spring_loaded_blaster.png.

Amset-Ra: That's an image.

Tee-Vee: .jpg.

Amset-Ra: That's an image, too.

Tee-Vee: .gif.

Amset-Ra: That too. Say, are you losing memory?

Tee-Vee: Memory = 20%.

Priest of the Tee-Vee: Not on my watch!

He drags Tee-Vee out of the announcer's booth, and just in time, because Toa Anuba just crashed through the wall and is now making himself comfortable in the announcer's booth.

Anuba: Let's see, now, the cannon has just been smashed to smithereens, and the Geonosian Zombie is running away from the Claw-Tank's massive treads, like a cartoon character running away from an Acme boulder.

Amset-Ra: Acne? No thanks.

Geonosian Zombie: Brains!

He starts flying laps around the Claw-Tank.

Anuba: Now he is channeling the pure essence of an annoying mutant fly.

Grand Pharaoh Amuntakken enters.

Amuntakken: Why, your Toa looks just like your pet Sphinx, In-Sayn.

Amset-Ra: I know, right? Whoa!


Anuba: The Claw-Tank has hurled the wrecked Geonosian Cannon at the Geonosuan Zomble, like an angry baby throwing a toy.

Wyldstyle enters.

Wyldstyle: Hi guys, just wondering if- hey, I found my fans!

She detaches the fan pieces from the Coelophysis and leaves. The Coelophysis leaps out of the Claw-Tank and gives chase.

DVA: And Geonosian Zombie is the-

CRASH! Plop!

DVA: -winner?

Achu: So I managed to take that world tour I always wanted to take! Hey, who left this sweet ride lying around?

Achu enters the Claw-Tank.

Anuba: This doesn't look good, like a pharaoh stealing the Queen's mothership.

Amset-Ra scowls at Anuba.

Anuba: I apologize, like that same pharaoh apoloziging to the Queen for stealing her mothership.


Geonosian Zombie: Brains!

Pew pew pew!

Achu: Say you're quite a sharpshooter! A-CHOOOOOOOO!


DVA: And Achu is the winner!

Achu: I didn't even have to use my mystical powers!

Amset-Ra: They're in your sneeze.

Achu: Oh.

Anuba: Achu sneezed his vehicle apart, and it crushed the Geonosian Zombie, like an avalanche crushing an unfortunate skier.

Amset-Ra: That analogy's a bit rough.

Anuba: Okay, then. Like a fly being pinned to the wall.

Amset-Ra: That's a floor.


Amset-Ra: You know, that's the sixth time someone crashed through my pyramid.

Umarak: AHA!


Anuba: Run, like an Olympian in the 500-meter dash!

He crashes through the wall, and Umarak follows.

Amset-Ra: I've got to give Ogel his thirty Coronas. End transmission!

The Winner
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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

How much did you enjoy Coelophysis vs. Achu vs. Geonosian Zombie?

The poll was created at 19:59 on March 6, 2016, and so far 0 people voted.
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