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Two ninjas and a baby. That is all.
Season 3, Round 1, Battle 40 (133rd battle overall)
Written by User:NexoByte on July 29, 2018
The Announcer

The Referee

The Predictor

I don't think I'll tell you.
The Red Corner
Cole Movie
Who wants a selfie with someone who was probably a ghost in a one-shot special?

Rank 53; 1-1
Nominated by Surtatb2007
The Green Corner
Who wants a selfie with someone whose name is a pun?

Unranked; 0-2
Nominated by Surtatb2007 and Punctuation Penguin
The Yellow Corner

Nominated by
The Blue Corner
Geonosis Clone Trooper
Geonosis Clone Trooper
Who wants a selfie with a nameless soldier who ought to have his name shortened?

Rank 24; 2-1
Nominated by Commandosaur

Before the Battle

Amset-Ra: Special announcement time!

Audience: G R O A N . . .

Amset-Ra: As today is Narcissism Day here at ARFP, I'm going to be the only minifigure present in this whole battle! That's right! No Frenzy, no Wyldstyle, no Grundal...

He looks right at the camera.

Amset-Ra: Tee-Vee!


Amset-Ra: You misspelled "here"!

Audience: WE DON'T CARE!

The audience files out of the stadium.

Amset-Ra: Construct!


Amset-Ra pulls out sock puppets of Wyldstyle, Ogel, Frenzy, and Dr. Inferno and sits behind the theater booth he just built.

"Dr. Inferno": You gotta wonder where our ratings went.

"Wyldstyle": It probably followed the audience out the door.

"Frenzy": I'm actually sane today, and quite posh, I might add, so I would agree that boosting Grundal-in-a-bottle sales would possibly increase our ratings.

"Ogel": Plus our recent Amset-Ra movie has 5% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes.

"Dr. Inferno": No wonder your sock has a hole in you, Ogel. That's how your brains escaped.

"Ogel": Uh, hello? I'm wearing a helmet! In the event of such a gruesome catastrophe, my helmet would soak up the brains and put them back inside me.

"Wyldstyle": Let's talk about something else...

"Frenzy": Agreed. For example, let us talk about how wonderful and awesome Amset-Ra is.


Pharaoh Hotep: Who are you talking to?

Amset-Ra: Uh...

Pharaoh Hotep: And where's the audience?

For your viewing pleasure, about twenty minutes of embarrassing talk has been deleted. The battle will now begin.


Too bad we don't have Comic Sans yet.

Edit: Actually we do! Muahahahaha!

The Battle

Lord Garmadon: Hey, all! I'm the dark genius who needs no introduction... since there's no one to introduce me to. WHERE IS THE AUDIENCE?!

Cricket: ...What?

Lord Garmadon: Eh, I'll just move along. In the Red Corner... is someone who makes me question why I got this job.

Cole: Garmadon! No one told me you were announcing.

Lord Garmadon: I joined the Pyramid Staff a few weeks ago.

Jay: What's your job?

Lord Garmadon: Isn't it obvious? I'm your enemy! Also, they asked me to be the announcer at any time that most of the main staff are away. TL;DR: I'm the emergency announcer. Oh, and nonexistent audience: Jay's in the Green Corner, and also... Geonosis Clone Trooper is in the Yellow Corner!

GCT: How do you like my shortened name?

Lord Garmadon: It's so easy on the eyes. Thank you. And now a word from our sponsor via Skype:

Professor Brickenstein: I highly advise you NOT to ingest GAS. That's Grundalization of Alcoholic Spinjitzu for those of you just joining us. It contains a deadly toxin that will make you sing Christmas carols, known as Grundalitis. Here with me is my text subject Dr. McScrubs!

Dr. McScrubs: 🎵Grundal tell me... if I'll really stoooo-op...🎵

Professor Brickenstein: He'll recover in about three year's time. Back to you, Wyldstyle.

Lord Garmadon: Wyldstyle? I'm Garmadon!

Amset-Ra: That was recorded about half a year ago. We couldn't afford a fresh new recording.

Lord Garmadon: I've found myself in a similar situation before. Remember the skull spider on my Dark Fortress? I wanted a skull golem instead.

Amset-Ra: They're selling baby Tamagotchi skull golems at Brickmart for their quarterly servant exchange program.

Lord Garmadon: That means you can exchange one of your servants for a skull golem?

Amset-Ra: Yep?

Lord Garmadon: That I'll consider. Krazi has been a bit crazy lately (no pun intended).

Amset-Ra: Spoopy.

Lord Garmadon: Who's predicting today?

Squidman: That would me me! P Squiddy! The Mollusk Menace! And I say Jay will win!

Lord Garmadon: And I say you predicted WRONG.

Squidman: What?

Lord Garmadon: I HATE ninjas! (Even though I'm sorta one myself...)

Squidman: Now that my job 's done, I gotta run!

He spray-paints the glass in front of the announcer's booth before fleeing.

Lord Garmadon: I can't see! Somebody catch that vandal and clean this glass!

Amset-Ra: In the meantime, I'll start the battle. Ready? Set! Megaton Punch!

Lord Garmadon: Megaton Punch?

Amset-Ra: Didn't you know? We're mixing things up today. Also I wanted a Kirby vibe.

Lord Garmadon: But Kirby's for girls!

Makuta: I think I discovered a secret ending in Kirby: Star Allies!

Amset-Ra: He's as manly as they get.

Jay: Objection!

Amset-Ra: What is it?

Jay: I think we should do something more... original.

Amset-Ra: Like what?

Jay: Spinjitzu!

Lord Garmadon: No. Absolutely not. Not when I'm here.

Cole: *puppy eyes*

Lord Garmadon: Fine, go ahead.

GCT: But I don't know a thing about-


Crash! Tinkletinkletinkle

Lord Garmadon: Cole has Spinjitzued GCT into the ropes. He's actually not rebounding off of them as Griffin Turner did in his match.

Amset-Ra: That plexiglass is gonna cost you.

Cole: You know nothing about Spinjitzu?

Jay: And yet you took on Kai.

GCT: None of that matters now! I am the supreme trooper unit! THIS... IS... GEONOSIS!

A Republic Gunship crashes through the roof.

Cole: Dude. I've seen better Sparta memes than that.

GCT: But this is a real Republic Gunship.

The gunship's doors slide back, revealing Obi-Wan and several Clone Troopers.

Obi-Wan: And I'm the real Obi-Wan Kenobi.

General Grievous: General Kenobi.

Cole: Wow, GCT. You're edgy.

Jay: Not cool.

Zane: Did someone say "cool"?

Amset-Ra: As much as I love a good interference, I'm not in the mood for any of that today.

Cole: Well Jay, I guess we must fight each other.

GCT: Isn't that the point of ARFP?

Jay: Electricity!


Space Police Officer: Mr. Ra! I'm arresting you for copyright infringement in sound effects!

Amset-Ra: What?!

Space Police Officer: Your punishment is to mop the floors in Garmadon's Volcano Base!

Lord Garmadon: 👈😎👈

Space Police Officer: And I believe everything I say contains exclamation points!

He starts to leave, but slips on the wet floor.

Sir Fangar Pondar: Don't mind me! I'm just watching this glooooooorious match.

Cole: Enough fooling around. We're the Ninja, and we're going to stop you!

GCT: But you two aren't even on the same side.

Cole: But we totally- yeah, you're right.

Jay: Electricity!

Cole: Hold up. You already used that, and it did nothing to his armor.

Jay: That was my training electricity.

GCT: There is no such thing as training electricity.

Jay: Then what do you call electricity that's only ten volts?

GCT: Safety sparks.

Jay: Same thing, I guess.

Cole: Spinjitzu!


Jay: Curse you, fellow ninja...!


Amset-Ra: Jay is out! More proof that jaywalking is not allowed in this sector!

Cole: Three seasons, three losses? Come on, man, that's pathetic!

GCT: Cole slamming his fellow ninja? That's so going on Instagram!

Cole: You're next.

Lord Garmadon: I must say, Cole kicking Jay out of the stadium is by far the best thing I've seen in my career.

Amset-Ra: Oh, that's nothing. You should have seen Obi-Wan teach Anakin a lesson on Mustafar.

Lord Garmadon: I don't believe in this "high ground" theory.

Amset-Ra: Neither did I until I saw that the lava was closing in on Anakin.

GCT: Stop spoiling my timeline!

Cole: What timeline? This is an alternate universe!

Obi-Wan: I'm still here, you know.

Cole: I couldn't care less.

GCT: I'm going to use the only attack I'm capable of.

Pew pew pew!

Cole: Really? That's it!

GCT: You're forgetting about Old Ben up there.

Obi-Wan: Now you're spoiling my timeline!

GCT: No I'm-


GCT: Is my armor too strong for you?

Cole: Meh. Amset-Ra, can he use the Republic Gunship?

Amset-Ra: No interference today!

Several Anubis Guards use the Infinity Gauntlet to destroy the gunship, then instantly flee as Thanos drops his popcorn and storms after them.

Thanos: I'm naked without my all-powerful glove!

Cole: Now I have the high ground. You can't win!

GCT: Uh... yeah. About that...


Lord Garmadon: GCT has constructed a Homing Spider Droid. Ironic, isn't it?

Amset-Ra: Eh, we've seen worse. At least I have. I dreamt that I was fighting Iron Man aboard a SpongeBob parade float.

Lord Garmadon: Who won?

Amset-Ra: Chuck Norris.

Lord Garmadon: Better feed him to the T-Rex after this battle is done.

Amset-Ra: Wonder how that's gonna work out?

GCT: Homing Spider Droid, I choose you!

Cole: I'm a level 239 or something.

GCT: What?! Get him anyway, HSD!

Cole: Construct!



Lord Garmadon: Cole just built a giant Jar Jar Binks statue to defend him from the Homing Spider Droid, but it broke.

Jar Jar haters watching/reading this right now: YES! COLE IS MY FAVORITE NINJA!

GCT: I couldn't care less about that Gungan. Lightsaber!


In the Jedi Temple...

Aayla Secura: I think I lost my lightsaber somewhere on Geonosis.

Yoda: 😖

Back at the match...


Cole: Gah!

Lord Garmadon: I'll give you a few minutes to figure out what happened.

Jeopardy music plays

Amset-Ra: Sounded kinds gruesome.

Cole: You cut my katana in half with a lightsaber?

GCT: Aayla Secura's lightsaber, to be exact.

Cole: Doesn't matter. Scythe of Quakes!


Lord Garmadon: Cole used Scythe of Quakes! It's not very effective...

Amset-Ra: Hold up. Something just loosened in the ceiling.


Amset-Ra: I knew that piano would fall someday. Anyway, GCT wins!

GCT: Underdogs FTW!

After the Battle

Amset-Ra: The Shadow, Bird, and Tech stuff is on hold until Surtatb2007 returns. Anyway...

Thanos: Anyone who claims they can beat me in two measly seconds is surely mistaken!

Amset-Ra: CORONA!

Thanos: MAH EYEZ!

Amset-Ra: End transmission.

The Winner
Geonosis Clone Trooper
Geonosis Clone Trooper
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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

How much did you enjoy Cole vs. Jay vs. Geonosis Clone Trooper?

The poll was created at 00:05 on November 13, 2018, and so far 0 people voted.
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