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Nanananananananananananana BATTLE!
Season 3, Round 1, Battle 10 (96th battle overall)
Written by NexoByte on July 5, 2016
The Announcer

Commissioner Gordon
The Referee

Chief O'Hara
The Predictor

The Red Corner
Dr. Inferno
Dr. Inferno
Any classic Batman episode could use a mad scientist.

Rank 35; 1-1
Nominated by Commandosaur
The Green Corner
Batman 1966
Ladies and gentlemen, the star of our show, BAT-MAAAAAAAAN! Besides, what would we call the show without him?

Unranked; 0-1
Nominated by Punctuation Penguin
The Yellow Corner
Just about every villain on the show is insane. Frenzy would fit right in.

Rank 11; 4-2
Nominated by Commandosaur
The Blue Corner
Explosions are for the birds. He'd be a great addition to the Batman villains' arsenal.

Nominated by NexoByte

Before the Battle


Dr. Inferno: Not today! As you can see, I've hacked the battle in my favor, so we don't have to worry about all those pointless intro jokes. Also, we're going to make it Batman style! This battle will take place in Gotham City. Now that I've hacked this battle, I can see the fighters ahead of- WHAT?! Frenzy's here? Gotta make this battle quick!

Inferno's Triumph

Dr. Inferno: Ahh, Gotham City. Mine, all mine. Well, where's the fight today?

Amset-Ra: How 'bout the Commissioner's office?

Dr. Inferno: Sounds good.

Soon, Amset-Ra, Dr. Inferno, Frenzy, and Bomb enter the Commissioner's office.

Commissioner Gordon: King Tut! What are you doing here?

Amset-Ra: We humbly request that we use your office as a boxing arena.

Commissioner Gordon: Chief O'Hara, call Batman!

Amset-Ra: Good. He's one of the fighters we need.

Commissioner Gordon: A crime fighter, you mean.

Meanwhile, in stately Wayne Manor...

Bruce Wayne: I guess calling my manor "stately" is kind of a thing now.

Dick Grayson: Catchy, isn't it?

Beeeep beeeep beeeep

Alfred: The Batphone, sir.

Bruce Wayne: Thank you.

He answers it.

Bruce Wayne: This is Batman speaking.

Commissioner Gordon: But your introductory name clearly states "Bruce Wayne"!

Bruce Wayne: What?

Commissioner Gordon: Never mind. Listen, King Tut's back with a bunch of freaks and he wants to use my office as a boxing arena.

Bruce Wayne: I'm on my way.

He puts down the phone, lifts the head of the statue, and presses the button, causing... magic. Bruce and Dick slide down the Batpoles.

Aunt Harriet Cooper: There go my two nice young men, off to stop crime again.

Alfred: Two things, Aunt Harriet: 1: Bruce Wayne is not young. 2: You're not supposed to know their identities.

Theme music plays.

The Batmobile arrives at the office. Batman and Robin race to the Commissioner's office.

Commissioner Gordon: Batman and Robin! You're just in time!

Amset-Ra: Batman! You're just in time! And Robin! You're our first spectator since last season's finale!

Dr. Inferno: Well, attendance levels have been kinda low lately, especially since the time you made Chewbacca lose a game of Holochess on live TV...

Amset-Ra: Yeah, that hurt my income... And Frenzy, I couldn't help but notice that you have only one arm.

Frenzy: But is was WORTH IT! On the way back from the finale, I beat Chewie in Holochess THREE TIMES IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!

He opens a bag he has been carrying, takes out three spare arms, and attaches them.

Commissioner Gordon: Ew...

Amset-Ra: Ew indeed. He's such a slimy cook.

Dr. Inferno: Aw, don't be so harsh on him, Amset. His latest hat soup is extraordinary!

The Penguin: Wah wah wah! Where's my hat?!

Frenzy: ...

Batman: You don't look like King Tut...

Amset-Ra: That's because I'm not. I'm a mummy and King Tut isn't. He's just a professor who got hit on the head and thinks he's King Tut.

Batman: My mistake.

Robin: Holy corona, Batman! Who are these guys?

Priest of the Tee-Vee: Sacrilege! The only thing holy around here is Tee-Vee!

Amset-Ra: CORONA!


Priest of the Tee-Vee: Curse you, Pharaoh!


Dr. Inferno: Belated April Fools!

Amset-Ra: Very funny. My crown goes "BZZZNNN", not "HALLELUJAH". And Commissioner, you're announcing.

Commissioner Gordon: What? There must be some mistake!

Amset-Ra: The only mistake around here is you! And Frenzy.

Commissioner Gordon: Hi, guys. We've got Batman, a doctor, a weird guy, and an obese bird... How's that?

Amset-Ra: Short and to the point! Robin, you're predicting!

Robin: Holy slavery, you guys are relentless! There's an explosive bird, a four-armed freak, a mad scientist, and BATMAN. Guess who will win?

Amset-Ra: How 'bout Dr. Inferno?

Robin: Yeah, he's gonna win.

Batman: Traitor!

Amset-Ra: Chief O'Hara, start the fight as if the world depended on it, because it does!

Chief O'Hara: Batman, get these jerks outta my office!

Comissioner Gordon: It's my office.

Dr. Inferno: I don't care in the least. Frenzy, I know you're an exiled Phoban.

Nonexistent Audience: GASP!

Dr. Inferno: So I'm gonna take you down first.

Frenzy: Can I decline?

Dr. Inferno: No. Construct!

Batman: Batarang!


Dr Inferno: How inhumane, Batman.

Amset-Ra: What's the matter with my crew?! Even the sound effects sound boring!

Sound Effects Guy: I'll fix that.

Commissioner Gordon: Why is Bomb sitting on the sidelines?

Amset-Ra: 'Cause he's gonna get throttled by the doc now.

Dr. Inferno: Come to papa...

Batman: Put down that laser, Inferno.

Dr. Inferno: Wha-


Amset-Ra: That's overdoing it, Sound Effects Guy. And everyone duck! Berserk laser flying around the room! And it just hit Bomb's fuse!

Bomb: It doesn't matter. I'm gonna die one way or another.

Frenzy: CONSTUCT!!!!!!!!!!!

He rapidly builds a trap for Batman.

Commissioner Gordon: Villain Rule #64 states that you need to explain the trap to your victim(s) and then leave the room without ever checking whether the trap will work.

Dr. Inferno: Sounds completely rational. Alright, listen up, Batman. You're hanging over an airplane propeller soaked in liquid nitrogen. Every time you sneeze, the dumbbell next to you will crash into the cymbal across the room, causing the dominoes to fall into the ruler which will dump the Commissioner's coffee. The Commissioner will run toward you in slow motion and then trip over a loose floorboard, which will catapult one of the Angry Birds's eggs at you. Everything sound good? And I assure you, it's completely safe.

Batman: Well, that was completely random. But I do have a few questions.

Dr. Inferno: Save them for the announcer at the end. For now, I've gotta go to the Batcave. All I need to do is find the "Gotham City 14 Miles" sign...

He leaves.

Narrator: Could this be the end of Batman? How did Dr. Inferno hack this battle? How did Aunt Harriet Cooper know Batman and Robin's identities? Why did Amset-Ra choose to have the battle in the Commissioner's office? Where did Frenzy get his spare arms? Why is Commissioner Gordon such a lame announcer? How did the Priest of the Tee-Vee get into the office? Why did Robin not predict Batman? Is Frenzy really an exiled Phoban? What is wrong with the sound effects? How did Comissioner Gordon get a copy of the Villain Laws? What inspired Dr. Inferno to make such a random trap? Will I ever stop asking questions? And, last but not least, could this be the end of Batman? (I said that already, didn't I?) Tune in next section! Same Bat-Time! Same Bat-Wiki!

The Match Gets Fry-umph

Narrator: Last time, Dr. Inferno hijacked this program. 'Nuff said. Oh, and he put Batman in a trap thingie. Let's listen in.

Theme music plays.

Batman: Why am I hanging over an airplane propeller drenched in liquid nitrogen?

Frenzy: What's the matter, Bomb, can't you FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bomb: You have provoked me. You must die.

Frenzy: That sounds like something the Mighty Eagle would say!

Bomb: Oh yeah. My fuse is lit.


Batman: I'm free!

Frenzy: Yeah, but you started the chain reaction!

Tacktacktacktacktacktack slap spill!

Commissioner Gordon: My coffee! Yyyyyoooouuu'lll ppppaaaayyy fffooorrr-

Trip. Launch. Splat. Repeat.

Batman: I'm sure the Angry Birds won't mind that one of their eggs is missing.

Amset-Ra: Since the Commissioner and Chief O'Hara refuse to announce and ref, I'm having them arrested right now. So I'm gonna take their jobs. Now I am ruler of Egypt, host of ARFP, announcer, referee, Commissioner, and Chief of Police of Gotham City!!!!!! Oh, and Bomb's out.

Frenzy: Ooh, the Commissioner's phone!

Amset-Ra: And he just called the junkyard! What does he have in mind?

A delivery man enters with the body of Johnny Thunder's Red Eagle.

Delivery Man: Here ya go, pal. That'll be $379.86.

Frenzy: But that costs an arm and a leg! I don't have that much!

Delivery Man: Sure you do.

He yanks an arm and a leg off of Frenzy and leaves.

Batman: So... what do you plan to do with an old airplane?

Amset-Ra: You don't want to know.

After replacing his arm and leg, Frenzy attaches the liquid nitrogen-soaked propeller to the Red Eagle.

Commissioner Gordon: (from a max-security sarcophagus across the room) No! Please! Don't! That'll ruin my multi-million dollar carpeting! Do you know how hard it is to remove liquid nitrogen from stainless steel carpeting?!

Amset-Ra: Uh... Yeah. Right. Stainless steel carpeting exists today as mammoths do.

Maula: I do exist.

Amset-Ra: Then I guess stainless steel carpeting does-


Amset-Ra: (yelling over the airplane) TURN OFF THAT PLANE! I'M SOAKED IN LIQUUD NITROGEN!

Frenzy: SO IS BATMAN!!!!!!!

Batman: Sigh... I gotta go home and change...

Frenzy turns off the motor.

He leaves. Soon after, Dr. Inferno enters.

Dr. Inferno: Hi, guys! The Batcave was awesome! I passed Batman in the hall. He appears to be drenched in liquid nitrogen. Is everything okay? And why is there an airplane in the middle of the room?

Amset-Ra gestures to Frenzy.

Dr. Inferno: Am I still in the fight?

Amset-Ra: You eliminated yourself by checking out the Batcave! I gotta check out that thing myself! Frenzy wins! Bye!

After the Episode Battle

Amset-Ra is on his laptop, talking to Jupiter, Juno, and Galileo via Hype.

Jupiter: We are pleased to announce that Juno has entered my home planet's orbit.

Juno: Not just me, but all of us.

Amset-Ra: Can I have your lightning piece, Jupiter?

Jupiter: No.

Amset-Ra: Awww...

Jupiter: So how are things on Earth?

Amset-Ra: Great as usual. Ogel got shocked because Robin guessed wrong-

Juno: How shocking!

Amset-Ra: Oh, and Galileo, how come you're still alive? You died nearly 400 years ago.

Galileo: They revived me so I could travel with a god and his wife. How cool is that?! LEGO decided to make us out of metal, while you're still stuck with ABS plastic.

Amset-Ra: Wow, Galileo, I didn't know you were so belligerent.

Galileo: I practice. Sorry Invizable, I took your line.

Jupiter: Wait a minute, there's a spaceship approaching at 4 o'clock!

Amset-Ra: No, it's 9:30.

Jupiter: It's the Rogue Shadow!

Galen Marek: My dear, why are you traveling with a god and a scientist instead of me?

Juno: My last name is not Eclipse, and I'm already married.

Galen Marek: Sorry.

He leaves.

Jupiter: Wait, come back! How come you were called "Galen Marek" in this battle and "Darth Vader's Apprentice" in all other battles?

Galen Marek: That's my battle name. And I can't be Darth Vader's apprentice anymore. He replaced me with Ahsoka Tano again.

Amset-Ra: Guys, this is long-distance! I can't wait here all day!

Computer: Time's up. Total Hype bill: $6,382,899.

Amset-Ra: Sigh... It's not my fault Jupiter is 370 million miles from Earth.

End transmission.

The Winner
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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

How much did you enjoy Dr. Inferno vs. Batman vs. Frenzy vs. Bomb?

The poll was created at 00:45 on January 24, 2018, and so far 0 people voted.
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