Ash Attacker vs. Kylo Ren vs. Core Hunter

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Welcome to the first battle of Season 3!

Season 3, Round 1, Battle 1 (87th battle overall)

Written by Commandosaur on February 21, 2016

The Announcer Dr. Inferno

The Referee Toxikita

The Predictor Terabyte Alien Commander Stan Lee Ogel (Ugh.)

The Red Corner Ash Attacker Who in their right mind would attack ash? Probably a bored soldier who lives in a volcano, but who cares.

New Nominated by Surtatb2007

The Green Corner Kylo Ren I dig that helmet, which totally doesn't look like a welding torch.

Unranked; 0-1 Nominated by Punctuation Penguin

The Yellow Corner Core Hunter Hero Cores are all the rage these days, so someone's bound to make a buck off of 'em.

New Nominated by NexoByte

The Blue Corner

Nominated by

Before the Battle

Amset-Ra: Life can't really get much better than this! A new season, no more TARDIS, and an endless supply of Hot Dogs!

Krait: I don't cook hot dogs for free!

Amset-Ra: No, that's why I pay you for them.

Krait: I haven't received my paycheck in three weeks!

Amset-Ra: Have you been dead in the last three weeks?

Krait: Oh...

Amset-Ra: Ah! Well, I suppose the fun and games should be coming to an end... HORDIKA!

Dr. Inferno: Yes?

Amset-Ra: I need a meeting of the Pyramid Staff. It's time to get this season started!

Dr. Inferno: Oh... Well, that might be a bit of a problem. A few of them have gone on vacation.

Amset-Ra: Where to?

Dr. Inferno: Apparently flights to Mars are half price right now.

Amset-Ra: Ooh! We should go, too!

Dr. Inferno: Um, sounds like a great idea... But you do remember what Queen Hypogirtis said the last time we went to Mars?

Amset-Ra: Hm... Something about "YOU'D BETTER NEVER BE HERE AGAIN, PESKY SCUM". Who was she talking to, any way?

Dr. Inferno: The person who stole her mothership repeatedly, blew up her entire vacation hive, and sent half of her army to another galaxy by "accidentally" activating a Buggoid space-time warper?

Amset-Ra: Yeah, I'd banish that guy too. Well, if they can't get back in time for the battle, we'll have to talk about the battle all by ourselves!

Dr. Inferno: I'll be the announcer. We could bring in Toxikita as the referee, and perhaps Terabyte-

Amset-Ra: No! I don't like that traitor.

Dr. Inferno: Well, Toxikita was a traitor too...

Amset-Ra: Toxikita was never on our side to begin with, so I'm fine with her. Could we get an Alien Commander? They seem to have a good reputation.

Dr. Inferno: No, they're in allegiance with Queen Hypogirtis, and she won't let anyone help you.

Amset-Ra: Well, do we know any other good villains? I like villains. They're very funny.

Dr. Inferno: Well, I would say yes, but a lot of villains have been disappearing in flashes of red light recently. Dr. Brains thinks it might be a plague.

Amset-Ra: Oh dear! I'll have to get a vaccination. Hm... Perhaps we could try Stan Lee? I hear the users want to seem him at least making a cameo appearance.

Dr. Inferno: It's still debatable if he can even appear in corporeal form. I think we could get, Ogel, though...

Amset-Ra: Ugh.

Dr. Inferno relaxes, having feared that the reaction would be more aggravated. He leaves Amset-Ra's balcony office, and returns to his own room. Once there, he removes his suit and reveals himself to be... Ogel!

The Battle

Dr. Inferno: Welcome to Amset-Ra's fighting pyramid, Season 3! It's been a while, so who knows what might happen this time?

Weeping sounds.

Dr. Inferno: What's wrong, Toxie?

Toxikita: I lost the Super Crown, and now Vizzie won't stop making fun of me!

Dr. Inferno: Well, it can't be all bad. I mean, didn't AntiMatter praise you for managing to defeat him?

Toxikita: Oh yes, he did. He gave me this jewel of ultimate power!

Invizable: Oh, looks like he gave it to the wrong super villain, though!

Invizable snatches up the jewel, which looks suspiciously like a bomb.

Dr. Inferno: Um, Vizzie, is it just me, or does that look like a bomb?

Invizable: Huh, you're-

KABOOM!

Toxikita: Haha! Take that, Vizzie!

Invizable: I hate the name Vizzie...

Dr. Inferno: Well, at least you have your old personality back. We're glad that you're not obsessed with being a rockstar any more.

Invizable: My back....

Toxikita: Getting too old for this sort of thing, Vizzie?

Dr. Inferno: Alright, let's get back on track. I am your announcer for today, and as you may have guessed, our referee is Toxikita, last season's runner up.

Invizable: She doesn't run.

Toxikita: I'll have you know that I DO run.

Invizable: Away from the Ultra Agents?

Dr. Inferno: Okay, I'll step in here. Our predictor is- WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

Amset-Ra: What?

Dr. Inferno: Uh... Nothing. Um, okay, apparently the predictor's Ogel?

Ogel: Yeah! Super villain counter-espionage villains unite!

Dr. Inferno: Alright... Let's introduce our fighters, then! In the Red Corner, Ash Attacker, from the Anti-TARDIS!

Ash Attacker: Ash! Ash! Ash!

Dr. Inferno: You should be in a museum.

Terabyte: That would be like putting a bull in china shop!

Everyone ignores Terabyte.

Dr. Inferno: In the Yellow Corner, Kylo Ren!

Kylo Ren: Nooooooo! I'm gonna be stronger than all of you!

Amset-Ra: Silly licensed minifigures.

Dr. Inferno: And finally, in the Green Corner, Core Hunter!

Core Hunter: You've got less time on your hands than you'd think, buddy. Wanna buy a box of Hero Cores?

Dr. Inferno: Actually, I wouldn't mind using some in my experiments. How much do they cost?

Core Hunter: These are MY Hero Cores! Get it, kid? MINE. You don't even get to THINK of having them. You thinkin' of it? You're thinkin' of it, aren't you? WELL I DON'T LIKE ORANGE.

Dr. Inferno: I'm very glad we got the announcer's booth fortified again. Alright, Ogel, give us your prediction.

Terabyte: Maybe we should be giving a prediction about how many times Amset-Ra will corona him?

Everyone ignores him. It is obvious that Amset-Ra is struggling not to laugh.

Ogel: 13.

Dr. Inferno: What?

Ogel: Oh, I was predicting the number of times that Amset-Ra would corona me.

Amset-Ra: Corona!

BZZZZZZZZZZNNNNNNNNNN...

Sizzle...

Dr. Inferno: Everyone knows that it only requires one Corona to fry you. Now, we've decided that it's too early in the season to announce any awards, but it's just the right time to start a battle! Toxie?

Toxikita: You betcha! Fighters, fight!

Axel: DING DING DING!

That's right! The Atlantis Expedition is kind of broke right now, so we're selling our crew members as multi-tone bells, whistles, and even gongs! Come by the Ocean HQ and pick up your very own tone-emitting minifigure, as displayed in this battle! Only available while supplies last.

Kylo Ren: Hey, Core Hunter, can you help me?

Core Hunter: Depends, what do you need help with?

Kylo Ren: Well, I have to do something, but... (Fake Tears)... I don't know if I can do it...

Core Hunter: Aw, shucks! I'm not falling for any of your manipulative, drama queen behaviour! Can't do something? Then you don't deserve to live, you half-brained morsel of puny humanoid flesh!

Ash Attacker scribbles furiously on a white board. He turns it to the crowd, and it reads "You are a humanoid, Core Hunter."

Core Hunter: Pretty smart for a monster, ain't ya?

Kylo Ren: Pretty blind for a guy with so many eyes, ain't ya?

SZZZN!

Dr. Inferno: In an interesting turn of events, Kylo Ren managed to get behind Core Hunter, where he surprised him with a stab from his lightsaber.

Core Hunter: Aw, man! You got me right in the Hero Core! Eh, but don't worry, I got a few extra of those. Here - I'll just pop this one in. See? All better. But y'know, man, those things, they ain't cheap. Might need to kill you for that indecency, if y'know what I'm saying.

Kylo Ren: *gulp* I'm afraid I do understand what you're saying... And in response, I'm saying, adios! So long amigos! Good bye my friends!

Kylo Ren runs and hides behind a pillar.

Invizable: Hey, Amset-Ra, I was wondering, why do you have so many pillars in your pyramid, even though it's been destroyed so many times?

Amset-Ra: We imported them from Atlantis and Mars.

Dr. Inferno: Oh, I didn't know that we were calling covert theft "importing".

Ash Attacker takes an axe and begins fighting Core Hunter.

Core Hunter: Man, you're an impressive fighter! Where'd you learn to swing an axe like that? Woodcutter school?

Ash Attacker takes offence and swings violently.

Core Hunter: Woh, looks like we got some anger issues o'er here! What's the problem? Tired of being beat up by convicted felons like the TARDIS group? Or maybe you're just jealous of Jestro and his Book of Monsters?

Ash Attacker grows more angry, and the power of his anger causes his axe to duplicate.

Core Hunter: Woh man, no need to get more upset! Y'know the sayin', two's company, three's a crowd? I bet y'know that saying. Probably what all your monster friends use when they're explainin' to ya why you weren't invited to that rad party last week.

Ash Attacker grows even more angry, and his axe duplicates again. This time, he can't hold the new axe, and it falls to the ground, where he trips over it. Core Hunter quickly picks up Ash Attacker in his claws, and throws him out of the arena.

Dr. Inferno: Woh! That sure is one strong minifigure!

Core Hunter: Man, all there is to it is my Hero Core! These things work like magic!

Kylo Ren: But I destroyed your Hero Core! I know I did! Look what that got me!

Core Hunter: Right, not a whole bunch. Here, take this as a bonus.

SPLAM!

Core Hunter: See ya in the infirmary, Kylo Ren!

Toxikita: Core Hunter is our victor!

Dr. Inferno: After eliminating the Ash Attacker, Core Hunter made short work of Crylo Ren. Looks like Ogel was wrong!

Amset-Ra: Well what did you expect?

BREAKING NEWS! After months of investigations, the Space Police have confirmed that it is the Coelophysis which has been causing the disappearance of such notable villains as AntiMatter, Mallock the Malign, the Golden King, and Cyrus Borg! They are extending their gratitude to the dinosaur, who is set to appear in next week's episode of the failing show, Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid. Perhaps this newly-empowered predator will give the show what it needs to get some good ratings? One thing's for sure - Villains be ware!

Amset-Ra: Shut it off! Who let that on the TV?

Terabyte: Couldn't have been Tee-Vee!

Amset-Ra: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay, you're forgiven. I guess we do need you back, as our current head of technology clearly doesn't know what news streams to block!

ANDY Droid: Sorry.

Dr. Inferno: Oh, and here come the rest of the pyramid staff! From Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid, we're signing off!

End Transmission.

The Winner

Core Hunter

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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.