Sauron vs. Smaug vs. Bard vs. Weeping Angel

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This is a battle and you know it.

Season 2, Round 1, Battle 21 (70th battle overall)

Written by Surtatb2007 on October 28, 2015

The Announcer King Théoden

The Referee Master of Lake-town

The Predictor King Théoden

The Red Corner Sauron Behold the One Cheerio to rule them all! And the guy who wields it.

Rank 19; 1-0 Nominated by Punctuation Penguin

The Green Corner Smaug The clear favorite of this match, cause, you know, everyone loves dragons.

New Nominated by NexoByte

The Yellow Corner Bard A bard is literally a blind poet, so this is obviously Homer, back from the dead!

New Nominated by Punctuation Penguin

The Blue Corner Weeping Angel The most dangerous form of irony, if it catches you saying it doesn't weep, it'll either break your neck or send you to the past. Decisions, decisions...

New Nominated by TheAnonymousA

Before the Battle

Deliveryman: Delivery!

Bard: Oh, the new TV.

Deliveryman: How many TVs do you have?

Bard: 98,647,264.

Deliveryman: That's breaking the rules. But then, again before you became a hero, you were arrested for illegal people smuggling. Speaking of breaking the rules, have you played the A Dalektable Adventure Episode from LEGO Dimensions?

Bard: Yes.

Deliveryman: Don't blink.

Bard: That's probaly pretty valid advice for the next battle. Speaking of which, could you give me a rider to the nearest Dragon Express station?

Deliveryman: Sure.

At the Dragon Express stop in Rohan...

Sauron is at the end of the line. He uses the One Cheerio to mesmerise everyone and goes. to the front of the line. The next dragon in line is Smaug.

Smaug: ROARRRRRRR!!!!!!!

A dragon arrives. On it is Bard.

Bard: If a weeping angel shows up, we could have the battle here!

BAM!

The TARDIS arrives.

Doctor Who: Did someone say 'Weeping Angel'? Here you go!

The Doctor throws a Weeping Angel out of the TARDIS.

BAM!

The TARDIS leaves.

Bard: Now we need a worthy announcer, like King Théoden...

VOORP!

King Théoden: Good day to you, young old fellow!

Bard: Now all I need is the Master.

BAM!

The TARDIS arrives.

Doctor Who: Did someone say the Master?

Bard: Of Lake-town.

Doctor Who: Oh.

BAM!

The TARDIS leaves.

VRORP!

Master of Lake-town: Hello, old pal...wait, shouldn't you be in jail?

A giant dragon flies in. On him are Amset Ra, every one of the fans, Invizable and the staff (including a suitcase).

Bard: That dragon is even bigger than Smaug.

Dragon: I am Smaug. That is only my son, Smaug Jr..

Bard: I'm not even sure my Black Arrow can stop him...speaking of which, I FORGOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sauron: You...and all of the other fighters and Middle-Earth...ARE DOOMED!

The Battle

Amset Ra: Who authorized you two to help?

Master: Surtatb2007.

Amset Ra: And what authority does he have?

Master: He is transcribing the battle as we speak, Mr. Ra.

Potato Ra: How dare he do this to me!

Lampabyte: Tell me about.

Master Thanksalot (formerly known as Mace Windu): The virus of funny names has arisen upon us!

King Cheeriobin: In the Red Corner is the master of the One Cheerio, Sauron the Weak!

Exhibition (aka Technician): I fixed it!

King Théoden: In the Blue Corner is Smaug!

Azog: Disclaimer: I killed the king under the mountain!

Orc: Quite literally. Azog himself lifted up the mountain himself and dropped it on Oakenshield!

King: In the Green Corner is Bard!

Master: Here's your Black Arrow!

Bard: Thanks!

King: In the Yellow Corner is the Weeping Angel. Considering Sauron's most powerful weapon is a Cheerio, Smaug is a giant dragon, Bard is a criminal, and the Weeping Angel is a depressed stone statue, so Bard will win.

Master: Fight!

Smaug: ROARRRRRRRR!

Swat!

Bard: Harder than it looks, eh?

Sauron: Nothing is more powerful than the One Cheerio!

Sauron throws the One Cheerio at the Weeping Angel but Bard eats it.

Bard: Tasty.

Sauron: Curses! Curses!

The lights go out. When they turn back on, there are a dozen of Weeping Angels surrounding Smaug.

Smaug: Puny little flies.

Swat!

CrashCrashCrashCrashCrashCrashCrashCrashCrashCrashCrashCrash!

Sauron: Here should be the bombs...

KA-BAM!

KA-BAM!

KA-BAM!

KA-BAM!

Master: The Weeping Angel is eliminated.

Bard: I broke the rules.

Wyldstyle: How?

Bard: I don't know. Maybe opening the Rohan gates so Orcs can storm the place?

Sauron: This is like Morro vs. Ghoultar all over again!

Smaug: Have you two bananas forgotten me?

Bard: No.

Whiz!

Smaug: A black arrow!

Master: Smaug is eliminated!

Sauron: It's just you and me, Apple.

Whiz!

Snap!

Repeat times 3,245,691,804.

Master: Tie?

Orc: The great betrayal will be in T-minus 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Ching!

Master: Sauron is eliminated so Bard wins!

Sauron: One last bomb...

KA-BAM!

The camera and Sauron blow up.

Wyldstyle: Serves him right.

AntiMatter: HOW MANY MORE EMBARASSMENTS CAN I STAND? END TRANSMISSION RIGHT NOW!

Amset Ra: Please?

End Transmission.

The Winner

Bard

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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.