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|You got: Battle! Worth OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND! points.|
|Season 3, Round 1, Battle 34 (127th battle overall)|
|Written by NexoByte on October 26, 2017|
CRYSTAL LEGS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!
Nominated by Commandosaur
What do you get if you cross him with a butcher? Tonight's dinner!
Nominated by Holding Our Own
Before the Battle
Ogel and Frenzy are thumb-wrestling in the arena (rather tricky for a minifigure, don't you think?). Suddenly an anguished cry arises from Amset-Ra's office!
Instinctively Ogel runs off to find out what's wrong, and Frenzy runs off to find out what's so charming about Wyldstyle's hair.
Ogel: What's wrong, Amset-Ra?
Frenzy: What, so charming about your hair, Wyldstyle?
Wyldstyle: Buzz off, Frenzy.
Amset-Ra: Some nerve LEGO has, discontinuing LEGO Dimensions a year early! It was our Number One game!
Ogel: Mostly because it was the only game we ever sold.
Amset-Ra: And we only sold one copy.
Ogel: To whom did we sell it?
Amset-Ra: Well, when Toxikita lost last season, she was in need of money, so she asked us to sell her copy of LEGO Dimensions. She was kinda done with it, anyway. So we sold it to Jestro.
Ogel: Did he like it?
Amset-Ra: Duh, how would I know?
Jestro enters with his copy of LEGO Dimensions.
Amset-Ra: You got past our security.
Jestro: Yeah, well, the Cloud of Monstrox has a way of breaking and entering in order to let me in. Plus we used a Forbidden Power.
Amset-Ra: Ooh! Which one?
Jestro: Malicious Melting.
Amset-Ra: I thought it would be Horrible Hunger.
Jestro: We actually discovered that Malicious Melting does work on a warm sunny day.
Amset-Ra: So you're bringing back your copy of LEGO Dimensions?
Jestro: Yeah. The episode "A Dalektable Adventure" appears to have been hacked. There are way too many Daleks, not to mention a few Judoon, Cybermen, Zygons – you name it, it was there. Plus the glitching Weeping Angel wasn't helping.
Amset-Ra: I'm so proud of you. You struck a major blow against Jestro and Monstrox.
Jestro: That's the Cloud of Monstrox. Cloud. As in Nimbostratus, Cumulus, etc.
Amset-Ra: Yeah, yeah, I get the point. I'll buy back your copy of LEGO Dimensions, and, in exchange, you can have Ogel.
Ogel: WHAT?! I'M THE SUPREME VILLAIN; I SHOULDN'T BE SUBJECT TO A JESTER AND A CLOUD!
Jestro: Cool! Come with me, Ogel, we have lots to do.
Jestro and Ogel leave. Amset-Ra leans back in his desk chair.
Amset-Ra: Aahhhh, that's one less problem to worry about.
Wyldstyle: GIVE. ME. BACK. MY. HAIR!!!!!
Frenzy: You didn't say the magic word!!!!!!
Wyldstyle: BRICK DADDY! MORRO! SPACE POLICE! GET THIS PERPETUAL KLEPTOMANIAC!
Amset-Ra: Yup, I can already feel life returning to normal.
Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid! Where we now ban all insurance that isn't Cyrus Borg's!
Audience: WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR INSURANCE AND ALL THAT BORING LEGAL STUFF! WHY ELSE DID WE SPEND $49.99 FOR TICKETS?
Wyldstyle: Fine, fine... In the Red Corner, here to literally, scientifically, and physically rock your world, it's Geolix!
Geolix: GEO GEO LIX!
Wyldstyle: And in the Blue Corner, just escaped from the butcher shop, it's Minotaur!
Wyldstyle: Whoa... Wouldn't want to mess with him right now... Hey, isn't this the first match that none of the fighters speak English?
Amset-Ra: Yeah, you're right...
Wyldstyle: And now, M-OC will give his prediction.
Amset-Ra: And you, audience, can catch up on your beauty sleep!
M-OC: I will now begin my prediction, which involves two fighters from different parts of the galaxy, yet both fighters hail from Earth. Actually, one from under the earth. The question is: How can anyone live under the earth when the only real object just under the earth's surface is bedrock? Maybe, Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, king under the mountain, can answer this question. But I had first conceived that Smaug was the real king under the mountain. Besides, a dragon makes a better king than a dwarf any day. Anyway, the first fighter is Geolix. He is a giant Rock Monster hailing from under the earth's surface. He has green crystal teeth, which I believe comes from not brushing them daily. While I do not know what toothpaste Rock Monsters use, I do know that they have poor dental hygiene. Their teeth are abnormally arranged, and are made of crystal. The Geolix's teeth are green, which is the standard color of acid, and it is a wonder that the Geolix (or any other Rock Monster for that matter) has not decayed. Though I should not worry about a Geolix decaying, because natural decay comes after death, and a Geolix can live for an unspecified length of time.
Maybe hundreds of years, I don't know, lol. :P The second fighter is Minotaur. The Minotaur is a beast of legend who lives inside a labyrinth. It must be dark, lonely, and confusing inside a labyrinth. Fortunately, my superior programming allows me to traverse even the largest labyrinths in minutes. Indoor labyrinths are no big deal, but I still have trouble traversing corn mazes. The Minotaur, I hear, does not get along well with the Butcher, mostly because the Butcher will butcher any meat, alive or not, and the Minotaur believes he is superior. Of course, he is not superior to me. Besides, the Butcher is a vegan. We now move on to the analysis. After I hacked the Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid website, I discovered that the Geolix has a 0-1 record, incurred from a loss at the hands of Alpha Draconis. This is a shame, because a Geolix should be invincible. At least it is not impetuous like its third cousin once-removed Tremorox. A Tremorox seems to be more dangerous than a Geolix, which, in a way, is a good thing, because the Tremorox has a 1-2 record here at the Fighting Pyramid. The Geolix is capable of throwing large rocks and minifigures (and fits), creating shock waves, and appearing in a grand total of a whopping two sets. Sigh, I wish I appears in more sets... Meanwhile, the Minotaur is only capable of swinging its axe. I realize that the Minotaur is not related to the one in the popular game Minotaurus, which I hear is now a book. In fact, it is now a #1 New York Times Best-Seller, and is being made into a movie. Who will win? The Geolix is practically invincible, except for the acid that is covering his legs and teeth, and the Minotaur is practically not invincible. I predict the Geolix will win.
Amset-Ra: ...Yawn. That was a good nap. Now, where were we? Oh, right! Tee-Vee, start the match!
Priest of the Tee-Vee: I'm sorry, but since you are misusing the power of Holy Tee-Vee, I shall have to take him away from you.
Amset-Ra: Great. Now we'll need another referee.
Wyldstyle: What about you?
Amset-Ra: Nah, I don't stoop down to the lowly position of referee. Hmm... How about Lord Krakenskull?
Lord Krakenskull: An excellent choice!
Amset-Ra: With a punny name like Krakenskull, it has to be good!
Lord Krakenskull: Blame LEGO for my name, not me. FIGHT!
DING DING DING!
Pound pound pound!
Wyldstyle: Geolix pounded toward Minotaur, but he leaped out of the way.
Wyldstyle: Incredible! Minotaur tried to hit Geolix with his axe, but only managed to chip his hide. Then Geolix swatted him away! I so gotta get one of those to defend my plants from those flies...
Geolix: GEO GEO GEOLIX!
Lord Krakenskull: Halt! Geolix is the winner!
Wyldstyle: Minotaur tried his old attack again, but ended up getting swatted out of the stadium. WORST. MATCH. EVER. ❇⭐⭐⭐⭐
Amset-Ra: Well... Tee-Vee vs. Homer Simpson and Alien vs. Lord Garmadon were worse.
Wyldstyle: Yeah, you got a point. End transmission.
After the Battle
Unikitty is dancing down the halls. She ruruns into Wyldstyle.
Unikitty: Guess what? I'm getting my own show! ♥
Wyldstyle: That's wonderful!
Unikitty: But I have one complaint.
Wyldstyle: What's that?
Unikitty: AIR IT AT A TIME OTHER THAN HALLOWEEN, PEOPLE!
Wyldstyle: What spooks me more than that is the graphics. They don't look the least bit LEGO-like.
Unikitty: I know. That's the price I have to pay for getting a totally biased and narcissistic TV show.
Wyldstyle: Yeah. I can't wait to see it. Fans, set your DVRs to 6:10PM on October 27 for the premiere of Unikitty!, entitled "Spoooooky Game", only on Cartoon Network!
Amset-Ra: (from his office) Are you using product placement again?
Wyldstyle: Uh... We'll talk about that... End transmission!
|<Previous Battle||Next Battle>|
|Season 3 Battles|
|Round 1||First Half: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30|
Second Half: 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67
|Round 2||First Half: 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36|
Second Half: TBD
|Round 3||First Half: 37|
Second Half: TBD