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Why watch the final season of Star Wars Rebels when you can read pointless fights? :P
Season 3, Round 1, Battle 35 (128th battle overall)
Written by NexoByte on November 20, 2017
The Announcer

Finally, someone other than Wyldstyle
The Referee

Someone in addition to Tee-Vee
The Predictor

Fortune Teller
The Red Corner
I want to know what kind of gym this big guy goes to. I WANT THEM MUSCLES.

Rank 28; 2-1
Nominated by Commandosaur
The Green Corner

Nominated by
The Yellow Corner

Nominated by
The Blue Corner
Weeping Angel
Weeping Angel
Good thing i can't really see a lot of these in the park... or is it?

Unranked; 0-1
Nominated by Weasel23

Before the Battle

Amset-Ra is on his computer, melting his brain watching pointless battles from the latest Tournament of Elements. Suddenly his entire screen turns to static. A strangely familiar face appears on the screen.

???: Tech infestation is coming...

Amset-Ra: You're... gulp... the Cloud of Monstrox?

???: Just plain old Monstrox now. I found the whole "posh" thing too classy for me. But as your friendly neighborhood necromancer, I can change between my three forms.

Amset-Ra: That's "among."

Monstrox: Just as Amset-Ra-ish as ever. Oh, and if you thought I can't, just bear in mind that I've got a form-changing ray. It's a prototype I stole from Dr. Inferno.

Amset-Ra: Ooh, nice! Hey, do you think you can predict for me again?

Monstrox: I wish I could, but I've got a kingdom to destroy and a handful of knights to petrify. Oh, and one word of advice before I go: MAKE MORE MONSTERS!

He vanishes from the screen, and the Tournament of Elements reappears in its place.

Amset-Ra: Actually, I'm pretty good at the whole "make more monsters" thing. I mean, Frenzy's a monster for going after Wyldstyle's hair, Ogel's a monster for no reason, the agent-eating dinos are a type of monster — yup, I've made some great monsters over the years! But MORE monsters. How can I- Oh, I know!

He runs to a location, but we don't know where because we're out of time for this section. On to the battle!

The Battle

Deadpool: 'Sup, guys, this is Deadpool, in for Wyldstyle, who's supwrvising the filming for the Unikitty! TV series. Well, looks like we've got ourselves a real grudge match here. Two fighters made of stone. Must be kinda cool. The Red Corner is kinda sagging under the weight of its occupant, Geolix.


Deadpool: Sounds like a Pokémon. Hey, reader, you've checked out Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon yet? If not, *Shia LaBoeuf voice* JUST! DO IT! *normal* And in the Blue Corner is a solitary Weeping Angel. I don't think it can move with everyone staring at it, but I've seen them before. In fact, I couldn't take my eyes off of them. In fact, if I even blinked, they would come ever closer. I've never captured them in action before. Which is why we hired Terabyte to film this.

Terabyte: Yo.

Deadpool: And a little old lady's gonna tell us who will win.

Fortune Teller: Geolix.

Deadpool: Really?

Fortune Teller: Rock Monsters have a way of staring down there opponents that must make Weeping Angels shudder.

Amset-Ra: They're statues. They don't shudder.

Geolix: GEO!

Amset-Ra: All right, all right, we're starting the battle now! Tee-Vee?


Priest of the Tee-Vee: No hot new gadgets for peasants like you! Confess this heinous sin!

Amset-Ra: Um, didn't you just blaspheme against Tee-Vee?

Priest of the Tee-Vee: Maybe. Maybe not. Oh, who's your other ref?

Amset-Ra: What other ref?

Priest of the Tee-Vee: The ref section at the top of this page clearly says "Someone in addition to Tee-Vee."

Amset-Ra: Oh. That would be Goblin King from Elves. GK?

Goblin King: Fight, you fools, and feel the wrath of the Goblin King!

Amset-Ra: That's not how villainy works.

Geolix: GEO GEO GEO!

Deadpool: Our man Geolix is beginning his approach toward the Weeping Angel. Hey Terry, you sure you know what you're doing?

Terabyte: (Good thing Terry the Buggoid isn't attending to spoil the moment.) Positive! There's not a hitch in my plan! Now, where's the record bitton...

Suddenly, the lights go out.

Geolix: GEO?

Deadpool: I'm wearing night-vision goggles under my mask. It's complimentary from the chef, er the pharaoh.

The lights turn back on, and six Weeping Angels are surrounding Geolix.


Anubis Guard: Sorry, guys. Just a power failure.

Amset-Ra: Must be another one of Dr. Inferno's crazy experiments...

Terabyte: Ooh, I'm getting some good footage of this! Of course, since the camera's "watching" the Weeping Angels, they can't move, right?

Deadpool: You're forgetting one thing, sonny.

Terabyte: Oh?

Deadpool: Anything that contains the image of a Weeping Angel becomes one itself. You'd better delete that video.

Terabyte: But I'm just getting to the good part!


Deadpool: So?


He rushes from the stadium.

Deadpool: Now, where were we? Oh yeah. Geolix is surrounded by Weeping Angels.

Geolix: GEO!

Punch! Vanish!


Deadpool: Uh... What just happened?

Terabyte: His arm was sent to the past.

Deadpool: Ouch.

Terabyte: Not really. He's a rock, and, technically, rocks rock.

Geolix: GEO GEO!

WHAM!!!! Crash crash crash crash crash! Sproingggggg... Wham! Vanish! Plop

Goblin King: Looks like the Weeping Angels win this one!

Deadpool: Totally awesome! After leaping into the air and slamming the ground, he created a shockwave, sending all but one of the Weeping Angels out of the ring. The last one bounced off the ropes and into Geolix, sending him into the past, but leaving his other arm behind!

Terabyte: Since when did Geolix's arms count as different entities from the rest of him?

The lights go out again, then come back on. The six Weeping Angels that foight have vanished; however, a new one materialized right in front of Terabyte.

Terabyte: GAH! I can't not blink for so long! Get me a mirror!

Deadpool: Sure! I know just where to find one!

He leaves the stadium.

Terabyte: Technically, I can't take it anymore...

He runs backward a bit, then B L I N K S. The Weeping Angel is much closer.

Terabyte: Uh, a little help here?

'Suddenly Amset-Ra returns, grabs Geolix's arm, and uses it to knock the Weeping Angel to the ground. When no one is looking, it vanishes.

Terabyte: Thanks.

Amset-Ra: Don't mention it. Apparently our archival film is mysteriously safe to watch.

Terabyte: I wonder where Geolix was sent...

After the Battle (Actually, over 80 years before the battle!)

It is 1936. The Great Depression is happening. But Ole Kirk Christiansen os not depressed. He is working on his old-fashioned wooden LEGO toys. He glances at the motto on the wall before contiuing.

Ole: I wonder if I can find a way to increase sales... Maybe a system of interlocking bricks?

Suddenly an armless plastic rock monster crashes through the wall. It has relatively small eyes and green crystal teeth.

???: GEO GEO!

Ole: I have my answer! Those studs on top of this monster look like they're compatible with my idea! Godtfred! Forget the wooden toys, let's make interlocking bricks made of acrylonitrile butadiene styrene!

Godtfred: Great idea, Dad!


Chief: We're almost through this layer of rock, Rock Raiders! Axel, how'd you like to give your old man a hand?

Suddenly a stone arm falls on him. As Jet and Sparks help Chief out of the way, the others examine the arm.

Axel: What is it?

Docs: It's a Technic element way ahead of our time - nine years, to be exact.

Axel: But it looks like it's part of a creature.

Docs: It is. It is the left arm of a Rock Monster sub-species called Geolix. First produced in the summer of 2009, appears in two sets, one being limited edition, is totally different than the rock monsters we've seen, resides deep underground on Earth, not as angry as its sister sub-species Tremorox. And yes, I did break the fourth wall.

Suddenly, the layer of rock they were drilling through collapses. Chiefmakes a miraculous recovery.

Chief:' Okay! The way is clear! Onward!

The Rock Raiders cruise their way through the fallen rock.

Bandit: Hey, aren't we gonna end this with a joke or something?

Jet: Jokes are cliché. Let's go with pranks.

Sparks: I wish we could, but we're out of time.

The Winner
Weeping Angel
Weeping Angel
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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

How much did you enjoy Geolix vs. Weeping Angel?

The poll was created at 03:35 on January 27, 2018, and so far 0 people voted.
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