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Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid - now available from home because of the zombie apocalypse.
Season 3, Round 1, Battle 51 (144th battle overall)
Written by NexoByte on May 28, 2020
The Announcer

WE
The Referee

DON'T
The Predictor

KNOW
The Red Corner
Mr. E
Mr. E.png
Free iPods to whoever can guess what the E in his name stands for!

Rank 41; 1-0
Nominated by NexoByte
The Green Corner
Nex
Nex 3.0.jpg
Fresh from your friendly neighborhood Hero Factory! Where all their tech is really "Nex" level!

New
Nominated by Surtatb2007
The Yellow Corner
Lord Garmadon
Lord Garmadon.jpg
As the father of the Sons of Garmadon, he's back to put his parenting skills to good use!

Rank 23; 3-2
Nominated by Ozone
The Blue Corner



Nominated by

Before the Battle

Amset-Ra is standing in the middle of the ring, getting ready to set up the next battle.

Amset-Ra: All right, everything is in check here. Just waiting on the audience and staff, then we can begin.

Suddenly the wall breaks down and a horde of zombies make their way into the stadium.

Amset-Ra: Again?! This is the third time this month!

Zombies: Braaaains…

Amset-Ra: Well, I guess you leave me no choice but to use my trusty… CORONA!!!!!!

The moment the word leaves his mouth, the Space Police Galactic Enforcer crashes through the ceiling.

Amset-Ra: All right, that's a trope I want abolished! That roof and all its solar panels always costs me too much money to fix.

Suddenly the Space Police Chief's voice blares over the bullhorn.

Space Police Chief: This is the Space Police! We have a warrant for your arrest for possessing a banned weapon!

Amset-Ra: What? Banned? Ohhh, you mean my Corona laser. Oh yeah, that's been used since the very beginning of my career.

Space Police Chief: Under Article 178 Section 3, which was signed into law roughly twenty days, eighteen hours, and forty-seven minutes ago, anything banning the name "corona" is banned from the Milky Way Galaxy.

Amset-Ra: Did you make that up just for me? Aww, I'm touched.

Space Police Chief: No, it's because a real-life situation has come up.

Amset-Ra: What are you talking about? This is real life!

Space Police Chief: Yeah, whatever. And yes, you're absolutely right. But it was banned because the zombie apocalypse is named after the Corona beer for some odd reason, and now it's a SeNsItIvE topic. Now the only way to survive the zombie apocalypse is to stay in your home.

Amset-Ra: Listen, could you hurry it up with the arrest thing? I'm literally up to my neck in zombies right now.

Space Police Chief: Yeah, sure, okay, whatever.

Amset-Ra is beamed into the ship, and it flies away.

The Battle

Tee-Vee: Booting splitscreen module.

Wyldstyle and Axel (surprisingly!) appear on his display. Both are in the comfort of their own homes.

Wyldstyle: Am I live? I'm kinda not used to doing this whole 'work from home' thing…

Axel: Get used to it. It's the future.

Wyldstyle: I hope not. I just don't feel comfortable without a fortified announcer's booth, you know, the one specifically made to keep Frenzy out, not to mention I'm more of an announcer and not a video editor. Once I finish recording, I need the battle footage so I can add my voice in there.

Axel: Actually, you can just send all that to Terabyte. Or Dr. Inferno. Okay, just Dr. Inferno. He does all the post-battle stuff anyways.

Wyldstyle: Okay, cool. I'm looking around right now, and it's so weird seeing the stands completely empty. There aren't even any Phobans to be seen! Or lawyers.

She gets a $5 TTS donation from a user named MarsGurl07.

TTS: Watching your stream right now. FROM THE STANDS. Your puny diseases and zombie apocalypses don't affect us Phobans. BTW, love the dress 😘

Wyldstyle: Aww, thanks for the five! Tee-Vee, are there any other robots there? Anyone who can get aerial shots of the action?

Tee-Vee: Robot count = 5 counting this unit.

Wyldstyle: Five robots? Who are the other four?

Tee-Vee: Affiliation = Galaxy Squad.

Wyldstyle: Wait, the Galaxy Squad is here? I-I mean, by here, I meant there.

Axel: Did you forget? ARFP is being promoted by the Galaxy Squad, but due to the zombie apocalypse, they sent their robots in their place.

Wyldstyle: Cowards with space suits are the worst kind of cowards.

???: I know, right?

Wyldstyle: Gah! Dr. Inferno, when did you join the call?

Dr. Inferno: To quote Invizable's first line, I was here all along. You see, Terabyte hacked Twitch so I could listen in to you guys anonymously. It was more or less of an experiment, really. But yeah, the Galaxy Squad became super cowardly ever since Solomon Blaze left.

$3 TTS from Fireblade70705: We are NOT cowards!

Dr. Inferno: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

Wyldstyle: Hey Invizable, you're still in the security office, right?

Invizable: Of course not! Stay at home orders are in place. Though, I suppose I could sneak over and–

Wyldstyle: Don't. The new Yankee with no brim you've been wearing for the past month doesn't turn invisible with the rest of you.

Invizable: Ohh, yeah, you're right. Totally forgot about that. Why do you ask about the security office?

Wyldstyle: Because I don't exactly see the fighters anywhere, and frankly, I'm getting worried.

Dr. Inferno: Um, isn't that Amset-Ra's job? Usually he takes care of the fighters personally, and I'm not talking about the times where he mops the ring with them. Although, he really should return to fighting–

Wyldstyle: No, that's not what I was talking about! I mean, Amset-Ra's been missing, and he hasn't been picking up my calls. That's why I asked Invizable if he was in the security room, so that he could check to see if he's still here or not!

Axel: Please, not the off-brand TARDIS again…

Invizable: Actually, I do know something about it. So I got a call from Terabyte, who saw the whole thing.

Wyldstyle: What happened?

Invizable: Apparently he used his Corona and got arrested by the Space Police; they thought the word "corona" is a sensitive word because of the zombie apocalypse.

Wyldstyle: What? They're the Space Police! Shouldn't they be busy with crimes in, y'know, SPACE?! Also, why ban the word "corona"?

Axel: Information is kinda sketchy, but I think it might be because it happens to be the name of the zombie apocalypse.

Wyldstyle: Hey Tee-Vee, are the zombies still in the pyramid?

Tee-Vee: Number of instances "Zombie" in location "Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid" = 0.

Wyldstyle: That's good. Now we can fight in peace.

Axel: Oh wait, I think I see the fighters coming now.

Dr. Inferno: Are they all wearing… hazmat suits?

Wyldstyle: Looks like it. I'm guessing the robots got them dressed up. Oh wait, no, only Garmadon's wearing a suit. Mr. E's got his helmet, and Nex is a robot.

Dr. Inferno: Garmadon looks pretty mad about something down there.

Wyldstyle: That's… actually a good strategy, saving his anger for the battle.

Axel: I know.

Dr. Inferno: Hey Wyldstyle, you should probably start announcing now.

Wyldstyle: Oh, right. Ahem. Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid! Now this experience is probably new to you, unless you're from The Walking Dead, or Monster Fighters, perhaps. But in these uncertain times, we need to take new measures. Only robots are allowed in the pyramid besides the fighters, who are required by manager Pharaoh Hotep to wear protective gear, even if it restrains their abilities.

Lord Garmadon: *chuckles* I'm in danger.

Wyldstyle: In the Red Corner is the active champion, the not-so-biological son of Lord Garmadon, Mr. E!

Mr. E: You don't have to yell. The audio carries very well thanks to Terabyte's enhanced sound system.

Axel: The Ninjago Wiki clearly states you're not supposed to talk.

Mr. E: Can't a guy buy a voice synthesizer for only $13.99 at Brickmart?

Axel: Also, that's a non-essential item.

Lord Garmadon: What he said.

Wyldstyle: In the Green Corner is fearless Hero Factory rookie and tech genius, Nex!

Nex: Seeing as you guys seem to be lacking in my technological expertise, I'd say this match is in the bag.

Lord Garmadon: For me, yes. Honesty is a rare gem these days, even for a so-called "hero" such as yourself.

Wyldstyle: Moving on, in the Yellow Corner, the four-armed mastermind of the realm of Ninjago, as well as the only fighter present today to be wearing protective gear, Lord Garmadon!

Lord Garmadon: Don't remind me of that again! Do you know how long it took to find a seamstress who could craft me a four-armed hazmat suit?!

Wyldstyle: Ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you should have spoken to Frenzy about this. He wears snappy suits sometimes.

Lord Garmadon: I've heard too many things about your resident four-armed freak to trust him for even a moment. I would sooner go to Jar Jar than him.

Wyldstyle: Pshh, what does Jar Jar know about fashion?

Lord Garmadon: Exactly.

Wyldstyle: Anyway, the Galaxy Squad robots are in position to begin filming. Uh, did we ever decide who's predicting today?

Axel: I mean, I could, but I think I should let someone else do it for a change. Because, you know, I haven't really appeared at all this season.

Invizable: Oh?

Dr. Inferno: Who did you have in mind, then?

Axel: An old favorite. Remember the Cloud of Monstrox?

Invizable: Wait, that's your pick? I thought Monstrox was stuck as Amset-Ra's computer screensaver.

Cloud of Monstrox: That's where you're wrong!

Dr. Inferno: Hold up. How are you in the ring without protective gear?

CoM: I'm a cloud. You, as a scientist, should know that I am completely immune to the pestilence that this zombie apocalypse carries.

Dr. Inferno: Oh, right, yeah, sure.

CoM: Furthermore, to elaborate on my current state, I indeed used to be Amset-Ra's screensaver. But what you didn't know is I can change forms. Why, just last week, I eavesdropped on Amset-Ra's private business meeting in my book form.

Invizable: I was there at that meeting, and suddenly I'm regretting mentioning how much we are in debt.

CoM: Aww, your invisible cheeks are blushing. How cute. Anyway, after hearing that news, I changed back into my digital form and posted that info to the dark web.

Dr. Inferno: Oh… Do you realize what you've done?

CoM: No, I'm kinda lost. Fill me in.

Dr. Inferno: By spreading the word around the web, you inadvertently promoted us! We're saved!

CoN: I… what…? Rats. Now I'll never get that VCE promotion…

Wyldstyle: All right, why don't you get to predicting now; we're already behind schedule.

CoN aRtIsT: Right-o! Garmadon has the ability to use the darker elements of Spinjitzu, while Mr. E is actually quite enigmatic, and Nex is the tech whiz robot bringing the brains to this boisterous battle. Now call me crazy, but I predict Garmadon will win. I also predict that Terabyte will stop hacking my name now.

Lord Garmadon: As if you had an alternative.

Mr. E: Master, I would humbly request that you not tear me limb from limb this time.

Lord Garmadon: NO.

Nex: As I am currently in my 3.0 state, I am equipped with a claw for slashing my way through thick vegetation, as well as the competition.

Lord Garmadon: You like to talk a lot, don'cha.

Nex: But you did most of the talking so far!

Lord Garmadon: Eh, you're right. Whatever. Just start the match or something, I don't care, lol.

Tee-Vee: Battle:start.

Lord Garmadon: Dark Spinjitzu!

BZOOOWW!

Nex: I got it! I got it!

Wyldstyle: Impressive! Nex has used his integrated claw to harness Garmadon's blast of Spinjitzu!

Lord Garmadon: No. No, you don't got it.

Nex: Agh… Gah… TOO… STRONG!

POW!

Wyldstyle: And now the energy exploded in his face, knocking him back toward the ring's edge!

Shing!

Nex: Nice sword and all, but can slicing and dicing me wait for now?

Lord Garmadon: Of course not! This is a staged fight, you know.

Axel: Actually, "staged" is really exaggerating it…

Lord Garmadon: Spinjitzu!

Nex: Claw Swipe!

Pow!

Lord Garmadon: Gah! Now you threw me off track!

Nex: Comes with announcing your every attack.

Lord Garmadon: Says the pot calling the kettle black.

Mr. E: I'll just go about the match, with or without your bickering.

Lord Garmadon: You know I can tear you limb from limb again, right?

Mr. E: I'd rather you not. My Nindroid body is quite feeble.

Lord Garmadon: Well, good for you, I don't care.

Mr. E: But you should care, for I have the ability to construct!

Lord Garmadon: You're a robot, you can't–

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Lord Garmadon: Oh… my… What… is… that…?

Mr. E: This is the Samurai Mech. Good thing Nya isn't here to file a copyright claim.

Lord Garmadon: Two can play at that game. Cons–

Shink!

Lord Garmadon: Nex, why must you be so annoying?!

Nex: Because you were focusing on your one-time underling instead of me?

Lord Garmadon: I can multitask, you know. Spinjitzu!

POWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOW

Nex: Wow, you're stronger than I thought. I had no idea I would be up against a father-son team today.

Lord Garmadon: Just because he is technically a Son of Garmadon does not make him my biological son. Only Lloyd has that right. Construct!

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Mr. E: You're just jealous because you don't have a cool toy like your son.

Lord Garmadon: Like I said, you're not my son!

Dr. Inferno: Eh, that's debatable.

Lord Garmadon: Nobody asked you!

Dr. Inferno: And nobody told me to answer, but hey, I like to volunteer.

Lord Garmadon: Nobody told you to volunteer, either!

Invizable: Uh, Garmadon? You might want to stop building your Skull Truck and look behind you before–

SHINK!

Lord Garmadon: Oh, you think you're so cool, thinking you can turn on your one-time master when his back is turned!

Mr. E: Sorry not sorry!

Nex: Don't worry, I'll get him for you!

Lord Garmadon: Volunteering to do my dirty work for me? You're too kind.

PUMMEL PUMMEL PUMMEL PUMMEL!

Mr. E: I'm afraid brute force will not be enough to topple this machine, Nex.

Nex: Yeah, well, it doesn't stop me from trying!

Lord Garmadon: Just a few more seconds, then I'll be ready to wipe you all out.

Nex: Are you sure a Skull Truck will be enough? Last I checked, it couldn't withstand–

Lord Garmadon: Be quiet and let me concentrate!

Mr. E: How about no?

Wyldstyle: And here we go again with lots of talking and no fighting!

Dr. Inferno: Though I gotta say, Mr. E sure is a rebellious son.

Lord Garmadon: You took the words right out of my mouth.

Nex: Deconstruct!

'SLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAM!

KCILCKCILCKCILCKCILCKCILC

'Wyldstyle: Wow… Just as Mr. E's imitation Samurai Mech was decimating Garmadon's incomplete Skull Truck, Nex tore the mech apart!

Nex: Now you guys are back to square one! Man, these times are uncertain for you! Oh wow, these are a lot of cool parts! Let's see if I can make a hybrid vehicle or something!

Lord Garmadon: Stop Frenzying and let me win! I've only been as far as Round 2 and seriously need a few more wins under my belt.

Nex: Construct!

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Mr. E: Construct!

Nex: Can't. Not enough pieces.

Lord Garmadon: I gotta make a call. Without Amset-Ra here to stop me, I feel like I can do this.

Nex: Well that's not gonna help you, not when I have this awesome weapon I like to call… the Thunder Driller!

Lord Garmadon: What?!

Mr. E: But all the pieces are inadequate!

Nex: I don't care as long as you can build anything with LEGO!

Mr. E: Construct!

Nex: Nope! You did that already! ROAD ROLLER!

Mr. E: Oh please no not this anything but this this is the last place I expected a Jojo reference–

SMASH!

Mr. E: GAH!

Sproing…

Lord Garmadon: Airjitzu!

SMASH KCILCKCILCKCILC!

Nex: I'll be back next seasooooooon~

Ding!

Tee-Vee: Nex:eliminated.

Wyldstyle: That was incredible! Nex built a Thunder Driller to use against Mr. E, but as he did so, the Nindroid rebounded off the ropes and straight through the Thunder Driller, sending Nex flying out of the arena! Oh, and Garmadon used Airjitzu to get out of the way.

Lord Garmadon: These may be uncertain times, but one thing is certain…

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Lord Certain: And that is your second demise!

Mr. X: Uh… master? Someone is hacking your name.

Lord Grouchy: Said the pot calling the kettle black… Ah, come on! Not during a match, Terabyte! Now, my rebellious robot son, behold the might of the Nindroid MechDragon!

Mr. E: Fighting fire with fire, I see. How original.

Lord Garmadon: Nindroid MechDragon, use attack_file_3.atk!

Nindroid MechDragon: Acknowledged.

ZARKZARKZARKZARKZARKZARK!

Mr. E: Whoa, you could have hit someone with that!

Lord Garmadon: Don't condescend your father!

Mr. E: Construct!

Lord Garmadon: Nindroid MechDragon, use EMPeror.atk!

Nindroid MechDragon: One or more files are missing or corrupted. Please reinstall the program and try again.

Lord Garmadon: ARGH! This hunk of junk is out of date!

Mr. E: It's not my fault you chose to build something from 2014.

Lord Garmadon: Said the robot who built something from 2012!

Mr. E: Anyway, my creation is complete. Behold the Vermin Vaporizer!

Lord Garmadon: Are you calling me a vermin?!

Mr. E: ...Yes. Vermin Vaporizer, accelerate!

Lord Garmadon: Nindroid MechDragon, use– Uh oh, SPINJITZU!

CRASH!

Lord Garmadon: My MechDragon!

Mr. E: My tank!

Both: AAAAAHHHHH!!

Wyldstyle: The MechDragon is falling toward both fighters after Mr. E rammed into it!

CRUNCH!

Wyldstyle: OH! Both fighters have been crushed! Which one will make it out alive! Or, about as alive as two anthromorphic lumps of acrylonitrile butadiene styrene can be…

Dr. Inferno: Hey! I'm the one with the technical science-y stuff!

Axel: To be fair, Terabyte's the one with the jargon.

Wyldstyle: Wait! I see movement from underneath! Galaxy Squad robots, see if you can get in closer!

Robots: Roger roger.

Red Robot: Nothing yet…

Green Robot: Are you sure you're searching the right location?

Blue Robot: Affirmative. Hey, is this just the battle writer's excuse to give us all lines so we don't feel left out?

Orange Robot: Absolutely!

Wyldstyle: Hold on! I think I see who it is! It's–

We interrupt this climax to bring you another generic law firm commercial. Have you ever taken Grundalized Alcoholic Spinjitzu and experienced brain smartness, swelling of the mind, or IQ enhancement? Then you need Brain-Delete, 'cuz this is a totally radical 90's product in disguise! Now you can get dumb and never have to worry about being smart again! Fail all your exams with ease! Because the sooner you drop out, the sooner you're free to do what you want! This product is not endorsed by or affiliated with Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid, whose co-owner supports the use of Brain-Delete.

Wyldstyle: –on your win, Lord Garmadon! It must be pretty wild, winning matches in three consecutive seasons, wouldn't you say?

Lord Garmadon: Eh, not really. Invizable did it. AntiMatter almost did it. It's a hit or miss thing, to be honest.

Wyldstyle: Well, good luck in your next match… Oh, I just got a report that the zombies are coming back. Your next fight might be in a few minutes rather than days or weeks! End transmission!

After the Battle

A long time ago (or not), in a land far east of ARFP, a new hero known as Monkie Kid is fleeing from an army of bull people.

Monkie Kid: This is not how I want my introductory appearance to be! Okay, so I'm supposed to deliver this staff thingy to the Monkie King, but… you know what, I'm done with these bull people! KAAAAAA MEEEEE–

The rest of this segment has been truncated because of the theme's striking similarities to the Dragon Ball franchise.

LEGO Monkie Kid. In stores now. Buy now or I won't speak to you again, at least not until the next battle.

The Winner
Lord Garmadon.jpg
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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.


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