Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi vs. Computer Programmer vs. Professor Brainstein vs. Jack Stone

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Yes, it is summer fall already, thanks for asking. Also, THREE CHEERS, give or take, for conquering LEPIN once and for all!

Season 3, Round 1, Battle 47 (140th battle overall)

Written by NexoByte on September 18, 2019

The Announcer Wyldstyle

The Referee TBD Referee

The Predictor TBD Predictor

The Red Corner Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi You're really straddling the fence, lady...

Rank 39; 1-0 Nominated by Awesomepants

The Green Corner Computer Programmer Discount Terabyte. 'Nuff said.

New Nominated by Punctuation Penguin

The Yellow Corner Professor Brainstein Must. Have. That. Shoulder gun. Forget all the excess brain power this guy has, I just like his taste in firearms!

New Nominated by Weasel23

The Blue Corner Jack Stone Sorry, you must be this tall to qualify as a true minifigure.

New Nominated by Awesomepants

Before the Battle

Deep within the Cursed Realm; namely, the bustling metropolis of Styx...

Yokai and Cowler return to their apartment, having wrapped up yet another episode of Yokai Watch. How they haven't had their nonexistent pants sued off for copyright is beyond me.

Yokai: It is good to finally kick back and relax, something we don't do often.

Cowler: Yeah. We don't appear enough in the Ra-verse.

???: I can relate.

Morro opens the door and walks in.

Yokai: Wait, how did you-

Morro: You really shouldn't leave your key in the door. Also, Ra-verse sounds... meh. Anyway, I have finally thought of a plan to effectively take over the Fighting Pyramid!

Cowler: Back to that again, I see. And you're talking to us about it because...?

Morro: Because you're part of my army, and your higher-ups have already approved of my plan. Nothing to it.

Cowler: O-kay...

Morro: So the plan involves an old minifigure, one who is tall beyond his years.

Yokai: Oh, do you really mean...?

Morro: Jack Stone, yes. I've already called him this morning. He has been sent to the Fighting Pyramid to prepare it for my arrival next battle.

Cowler: Oh please, not another ongoing story...

Morro: It's really okay. I'm sick of the megastories anyway. Especially since Ogel, who would have been involved in this season's would-have-been megastory, is now floating around in a spaceship. ...Hey, I just got an idea. What if I were to fill in Ogel's old spot when I arrive?

Yokai: Which was...?

Morro: Oh... He was the part-time predictor who was mistreated more than often. But at least Wyldstyle respects me.

A random flying car crashes through the window.

Peter Parker: Pizza time.

Yokai and Cowler: Yaaaaaay!

Morro: ...Okay, that's it. We're moving on to the next section because of this stupid meme.

50 or so years ago

A space shuttle lands on the moon and a solitary astronaut emerges. His square feet make the first-ever minifigure footprints on the moon. Neil Armstrong is his name-o.

Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for a man, one GIANT LEAP OUTTA HERE cause I'm being chased by a drunken astronaut in his spaceship Spaceship SPACESHIIIIP!

Benny: Am I that bad? I just wanted to check out your craft, cause, you know, my new boss Squidman wants to inspect its parts. It could come in handy when he wants to build new vehicles.

Neil: And where does that leave me?

Benny: Stranded? Nah, I'm sure you'll think of some way to get back home. Also, if you let me comply, you'll get free protection from the next Phoban invasion.

Neil: Phoban?

Benny: And did you know that if we take the first letter of your last name, then Neil A. backward is ALIEN?

Neil: What are you getting at?

Benny: Don't you get it? You're the alien around here! Just want to let you know that you might want to get out of here 'cause evil alien crime lord Omega doesn't take too kindly to trespassers.

Neil: 'K then, I'm getting out of here.

He leaps back into his shuttle and takes off, his duffel bag falling out and littering a flag, a few golf balls, and a couple other stuff on the moon. This random encounter with Benny the Spaceman is exactly the reason why we haven't landed another man on the moon in decades.

Fast Forward Back to Now

Amset-Ra: Thank you all for attending my annual business meeting. For reasons that may or may not involve Frenzy working with Dr. Inferno's lab equipment, we have decided to meet in the cafeteria instead of my office. RIP my Monstrox screen saver.

Terabyte: I press F to pay respects.

Amset-Ra: Anyway, our rating have hit an all new-

Wyldstyle: Low? Yeah, I've been really concerned about that, especially since Sir Pondar inadvertently shorted out two or three of our computers.

Sir Fangar: It wasn't my fault my gloooooorious form was so dangerous!

Amset-Ra: Actually, it's an all-new high! For the first time in three years, it's risen above six percent! We may have a chance at rivaling the WWE! I should probably call The Rock to back us up!

Axel rolls his eyes.

Dr. Inferno: Oh hey, we haven't seen you in who-know-how-many-battles-it's-been. Are you going to return to your old predicting job soon?

Axel: I've been thinking about it. I'm demoted to extra recently, so... Yeah, why not?

Pharaoh Hotep: I think it would be a most splendid idea. Besides, we would have most of our old staff back, instead of failure newbies such as the Cloud of Monstrox or M-OC.

Amset-Ra: Dad, don't diss my computer screen saver that's probably toast!

Pharaoh Hotep: Sorry, not sorry...

Sam Sinister: Can we please get on with the meeting? I have to change my name again in five hours or else the Adventurers will discover me once more.

Amset-Ra: Okay, fine. So, anything we can do to increase our ratings?

???: How about you don't take over the cafeteria when you know we host our meetings here!

Everyone turns to see the Portal Emperor striking a heroic pose in the doorway. The rest of the VCE, or Council of Villainous Evildoers, are standing behind him.

Jestro: It's not my fault our acronym is not correct. We're villains, not English teachers!

Hypaxxus-5: SPLAGH!

TC-17: My humblest apologies, but His Greatness Hypaxxus-5 has Zotaxian hay fever, and is therefore not able to communicate accurately. To atone for this, I have created a link to his brain so that I may transmit whatever he wishes to say.

Priest of the Tee-Vee: *off-screen* That's my job!

TC-17: His Most Glorious-

Sir Fangar: Ahem.

TC-17: -Hypaxxus-5 states that he was conceived before you, Mr. Priest of the Tee-Vee.

Priest of the Tee-Vee: And yet Tee-Vee was conceived before all of us. This is why he is the most awesome, beautiful-

Amset-Ra: Enough sidetracking. We've got a meeting, and I'm not afraid to host it. So, in order to increase ratings-

Pharaoh Hotep: I'm defecting.

Amset-Ra: Excuse me?

Pharaoh Hotep: The CVE is way better that the Pyramid Staff. In fact, I think even Ogel has an edge over you!

Portal Emperor: I think not. Ogel is actually rather pesty-

Queen Hypogirtis: Shh. You're ruining the plan.

Portal Emperor: Plan? We never had a plan! All we do is act evil and wait for the fake Pharaoh Hotep to-

Fake Pharaoh Hotep: Surprise!

Amset-Ra walks over and rips the fake face off of Fake Pharaoh Hotep like a Scooby-Doo character. Instead, he accidentally pulls the whole head off. The body deflates, and out pops-

Amset-Ra: Jack Stone?!

Alien Queen: THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR EVIL PLAN!

Jestro: I'd suggest running, but it's hard to outrun an angry pharaoh's light beam coming out of his crown!

AntiMatter: WAS THAT A FAKE FAKE PHARAOH HOTEP?

Portal Emperor: Where's the real fake Pharaoh Hotep?

In Dr. Inferno's lab...

Frenzy: I don't know where I found you, fake Pharaoh Hotep, but your bindings might take like Master Chen's gourmet noodles. TO THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Squidman: Why am I here?

Back at the cafeteria...

Portal Emperor: Fall back! We need to come up with a new evil plan or something!

With that, the CVE pile out of the cafeteria. Jack Stone is confused as to what just happened. Just then a blinding flash of light illuminates the doorway. Standing there is none other than the magnificent, REAL father of Amset-Ra, Pharaoh Hotep.

Pharaoh Hotep: Why don't they just leave the evil planning to the experts?

Alien Queen: (from outside) I AM AN EXPERT, YOU FOOL.

Pharaoh Hotep: Oh hey, Jack Stone. Am I correct in assuming you're going to fight here today?

Jack Stone: A-am I?!

Pharaoh Hotep: Why else did you suddenly show up in my future stronghold? Your name is on today's roster.

Jack Stone: Is it? Well, you know what they say about me winning today: Can Do, Will Do, Done!

Pharaoh Hotep: I Bet You Didn't Know I Can Capitalize Every Word Better Than You.

Jack Stone: I'm taller than you. Bet you can't say that.

Pharaoh Hotep: Touché, but don't flaunt that in front of me again. Now go to your locker room and don't come out until I tell you the battle's ready.

Amset-Ra: Uh, Dad? Isn't that a bit harsh?

Pharaoh Hotep: I'm practicing for when I conquer-

Amset-Ra: Ahem.

Pharaoh Hotep: -the box office. Yes, that's totally what I meant. Nope, totally no pyramid takeovers here.

Amset-Ra: Gotcha. Actually, Jack, the battle's starting in five minutes. Make sure you don't hit your head on the door frame, but if you do, make the indent big enough to impress the ladies.

Jack Stone: Okay.

He leaves. Moments later, the clunk sound of several overhanging cinder blocks falling can be heard.

Fangirls: EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Jack Stone! Jack Stone! Jack Stone! You must be like, 9'8"! Can we get a selfie of you with SHAQ?

Jack Stone: This is sooo gonna earn me the Chick Magnet trope over at TVTropes...

The Battle

Wyldstyle: Welcome, everyone, once again to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid, where Johnny Thunder is again getting spotlight time in the form of an unprecedented CMF appearance!

Amset-Ra: So is Jacksepticeye, apparently.

Axel: Guys, check out his YouTube channel! He's doing a Minecraft series with PewDiePie, who'shit the big hundred million recently!

Amset-Ra: Sigh... What did I tell you about shameless plugs?

Axel: Shameless plugs + fourth wall breaks = shameful plugs.

Amset-Ra: You got it.

CRAAAAAASH!

Amset-Ra: Not again... Who's breaking through my wall this time?

Toa Mata Nui: I got season tickets. Is that okay?

Amset-Ra: This means you get to take up around nine times the whole pyramid, maybe more. Where on Mars are we gonna seat a ninety million foot tall robot?

Alien Queen: The phrase "Where on Mars" is copywritten, trademarked, patented, reserved, and protected by the Phoban race, the Phoban Monarchy, and the Phoban military. Its use is forbidden by any non-Phoban. This happens to include you, Mr. Ra.

Amset-Ra: Will you beg to differ if I show you my license to steal your mothership for every season finale?

He shows her a fake license that looks genuinely legit.

Alien Queen: No. That does nothing to change my mind whatsoever.

Toa Mata Nui: To answer your prior question, Amset-Ra, your brochure states that anyone with a season pass is automatically entitled to sit wherever and upon whoever he wishes.

Amset-Ra: Eh, sure, but you're paying 50,000 times the normal price for seating because of your size.

Toa Mata Nui: That's why I got season tickets. Also, size matters not.

Amset-Ra: Inflation is gonna go through our now non-existent roof...

Wyldstyle: In the Red Corner is our probably soon-to-be ambassador from the Systar System, Queen Watevra Wa-Nabi!

Queen Watevra: I honestly can't believe I'm back for another round. It's so exhilarating!

Amset-Ra: Match. Though, you will get to appear in the next round at some point.

Queen Watevra: I just hope I won't face against Monkey Wretch again. He is SO EVIL.

Wyldstyle: In the Green Corner is the original Terabyte, Computer Programmer!

Terabyte: Technically, I feel validated.

Computer Programmer: If I program my code correctly, this match will be as easy as HTML.

Terabyte: Hey! You can't out-technicalize me! Besides, I'm newer than you!

CP: True, but I am independent, while you must rely on potentially faulty technology, such as that originating from AntiMatter.

AntiMatter: I'M THE MOST FUTURISTIC VILLAIN OF THEM ALL. IN FACT, NOT EVEN THE NINDROIDS CAN TOP ME.

General Cryptor: Bite your nonexistent tongue.

AntiMatter: IF YOU THINK YOUR PRIMITIVE LEGO CITY TECHNOLOGY CAN BEST MY TECHNOLOGY, PERHAPS PROFESSOR BRAINSTEIN IN THE YELLOW CORNER CAN TEACH YOU OTHERWISE.

Brainstein: You do not have a shoulder-mounted blaster cannon like me. Your arguments are invalid.

CP: But-

Brainstein: Furthermore, you lack the legs, brains, and bad intentions that I possess.

Wyldstyle: I'm going to pretend that you didn't just usurp my announcer's role.

Toa Mata Nui: Hey, isn't that Jack Stone in the Blue Corner? He's a tall boi!

Jack Stone: Coming from you, that's a great compliment! Thanks!

CRASH!

Amset-Ra: Now what?

Makuta: Toa, give me your masks!

Tahu: No.

Onua: They are basically our faces, thank you very much.

Wyldstyle: Should I delay the match on account of one of the most dangerous LEGO villains being here?

Amset-Ra: I am the most dangerous LEGO villain. And no, you can keep going.

Makuta: Wait.

He stares up at the giant Toa Mata Nui.

Makuta: Are you the legendary Great Spirit Mata Mui we kept walking all over for the first eight years of our theme?

Toa Mata Nui: Why yes-

Makuta: I really like the mask you're wearing. May I borrow it for a few moments-

Toa Mata Nui: No.

Wyldstyle: Enough with these random cameos, okay? Let's do awards! The User of the Week or Month or whatever, because of these erratic battle upload times, is Weasel23, aka Ozone, for being the fan who isn't there!

Ozone: Except I'm here today, because I can read the battles at any time by simply going to legobattle.wikia.com-

Amset-Ra: Product placement again? Wait, never mind, you're promoting us. You're cool.

Wyldstyle: And the Minifigure of the Week award goes to Lord Garmadon, who still has yet to fight this season!

Lord Garmadon: If anyone replaces me as the main villain of Ninjago, I'm going to sic my shark army on them. Or skeleton army. Or snakes. Or whatever.

Wyldstyle: The Ninja kinda have a fire and ice thing going on at the moment. I guess you're out of the picture for now.

Lord Garmadon: CURSE YOU ASPHEERA!

Wyldstyle: Why would you curse our predictor for today?

Garmadon: Wait, what?

Aspheera: What an incredible placccce you've built here, Misssster Amsssset-Ra. I mean, the architecture, the technology... It'ssss fit for a Sssserpentine sssssorcccceressss sssssuch asssss mysssself.

Amset-Ra: ...So that means you plan on moving in?

Aspheera: It'ssss only for a few weeksssss while I get ssssettled in the Ninjago realm.

Amset-Ra: Uh... Yeah, sure. I'll show you around after the match. Just stay away from the forbidden hot tub, and don't enter the cafeteria late at night. Some pretty weird stuff can happen there.

Aspheera: You do realize I sssspecialize in weird.

Amset-Ra: Trust me, it's weird for even you.

Aspheera: If it'sssss the Counccccil of Villainoussss Evildoersssss, then count me in.

Makuta: There's a reason I tend to stay away from that group. And that reason is because they are beneath me.

Wyldstyle: I thought I said no random characters.

Amset-Ra: That's my call. And If They Paid For Their Seats, Then They Can Stay.

Wyldstyle: Terabyte, stop playing with the-

Frenzy: That's not him! He's off to a business conference or something. No, that was all ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wyldstyle: You were my second guess. Anyway, Aspheera, you're going to predict.

Aspheera: Oh, right. I predict that the more feet the competitor hassssss, the higher the chanccccces are of that fighter winning. I will leave it at that.

Jack Stone: I've got about nine feet!

Brainstein: She was referring to me. It is quite obvious that all of your brains went into your height.

Jack Stone: At least I made it into the LEGO Book of World Records!

Trendsetter: You're like ,finally getting the hang of it. Dude, this fight is like, SWAG!

Amset-Ra: Oh, so swag as in "she wins a gold?"

Trendsetter: Dude. You know that acronyms are so last decade. Now it's memes.

Amset-Ra: Is that a fidget spinner in your pocket?

Trendsetter: Uh... no! NO! Get this stone-age toy away from meeeee!

She throws it away, and it strikes the bell, starting the match prematurely.

Wyldstyle: Well, it looks like we won't be needing a referee, 'specially since we kinda didn't pick one...

Amset-Ra: And you wonder why our ratings are constantly down...

Jack Stone: Construct!

Brainstein: A skilled fighter will not so conspicuously announce his movesets to his opponents.

Jack Stone: Where's your sense of tradition?

Queen Watevra: Transform!

Vorp!

Wyldstyle: Jack Stone is still building... something... while Queen Watevra has now turned into a butterfly!

Fire-Arm: That's copywritten material in my name! I'll sue!

Queen Watevra: It's a Systar System butterfly. There's a difference.

Fire-Arm: It's not really obvious to me.

Jack Stone: Finished! I think you'll really like it.

Brainstein: Meh.

Jack Stone: Meh?

Brainstein: Meh!

Jack Stone: So, you don't like my Ultra Stealth Raider?

Brainstein: This is a major oversight on your part. You cannot access the cockpit. Furthermore, it is essential for four to occupy this vehicle. Allow me to deconstruct it for yo-

FWOOOOM!

Brainstein: My systems are overheating. I didn't know that the queen is capable of fire.

Queen Watevra: I am the essence of the imagination. You are only a cyborg with only so many capabilities.

Brainstein: I will not be undermined by a girl.

Queen Watevra: Watch your tone. You're speaking to royalty.

Brainstein: No I'm not. My gun shall serve as my ambassador.

Jack Stone: ...That didn't make any sense.

PEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEW!

KA-BLAM!

Wyldstyle: And Brainstein has just shot the Ultra Stealth Raider to pieces!

Jack Stone: Behold the power of alternate builds!

Queen Watevra: You may proceed. It won't mean anything in the end, as I am going to be victorious!

Meanwhile, Computer Programmer is browsing the internet in one corner of the ring.

Computer Programmer: Aaaand... done. The order is placed.

Brainstein: I don't care in the least. You will be eliminated, allowing me to proceed to the next round. Now I shall construct something beyond your wildest dreams.

Wyldstyle: And Brainstein is flying really high into the air! This is still legal, because he's directly above the ring.

Brainstein: Now I can build in peace while the two of you, as they say, duke it out.

In a cave somewhere...

Duke: Uh... guys...?

Rex: Yeah?

Duke: Call me crazy, but... it feels like someone said my name somewhere.

Rex: Oh yeah, we get it all the time. Power Miners is a pretty popular theme.

Doc: It was overhyped.

Brains: GRUNDALITIS!

Geolix: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock...

Back at the match...

Jack Stone: Done! Everyone, this is my new ETX Alien Infiltrator 1.5! With all of the properties of the original, but it has a deconstructor ray built into it.

Brainstein: You try too hard. It is impossible to build an Alien Infiltrator with the pieces of the Ultra Stealth Raider.

Queen Watevra: Too bad I have to smash it.

Vorp! SAH-MAAAAAASH!

Jack Stone: But... how...?

Wyldstyle: The queen morphed into a giant hammer and completely destroyed Jack's Alien Infiltrator! Is there any hope left for our hero of old?

Jack Stone: Did you say hero?

Queen Watevra: Was that a buzzword? I love buzzwords! Speaking of...

Vorp.

Jack Stone: EEEEK! How'd you know my all-time weakness?!

Queen Watevra: Uh... I didn't actually...

Wyldstyle: I can't bee-lieve this! Now we have a literal queen bee in our midst! She turned into a bee and is flying up toward Brainstein, who seems to be building an air fortress of some sort!

Brainstein: It's a Spyrius Saucer Centurion, which hardly classifies as an air fortress. Your generation is comprised of such simpletons.

Wyldstyle: Complexity is not my strong point. Perplexity, however...

Queen Watevra: I'm coming for you, Doc!

Brainstein: I'm a professor.

Jack Stone: Phew... She's not coming after me... Now I can build my real model...

Computer Programmer: Any time now... they're coming...

Jack Stone: Would it kill you to get off that computer and actually fight?

Computer Programmer: Yes. Though I don't suppose you've checked yourself for viruses, have you?

Jack Stone: What do you mean?

Computer Programmer: You're too tall. Therefore, you have a virus.

Jack Stone: Weird logic, but okay.

Computer Programmer: I'll wipe you out just as soon as I'm done my BrickLink order. But for now, go play with the bee and the robot.

Brainstein: I'm a cyborg-

POW!

Brainstein: I am prepared for this.

ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK!

Queen Watevra: You missed me! Wheeee! What fun!

Brainstein: Amset-Ra, this insect is taunting me!

Amset-Ra: Tattling. That's a new one.

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Computer Programmer: Something tells me you are building something on a massive scale...

Jack Stone: You'd be right. Just don't turn around yet, 'K?

CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH!

Computer Programmer: At last...

Wyldstyle: I think we now know what the Computer Programmer's plan was all along...

Amset-Ra: *whistles* That's a lot of Space Police ships...

Space Police Officer: THIS IS THE SPACE POLICE! PROFESSOR BRAINSTEIN, QUEEN WATEVRA WA'NABI, AND JACK STONE, SURRENDER IN THE NAME OF THE SPACE POLICE!

Jack Stone: What on Earth...

Brainstein: I've dealt with your kind before. The Space Police have detained countless innocent individuals such as myself.

Meanwhile, Frenzy is whimpering underneath his seat. Apparently he's allergic to the Space Police too.

Queen Watevra: Why are we resisting? Let's go! They've probably got a cozy cell, three hots and a cot waiting for us!

Space Police Officer: THAT'S IT... COME TO THE LIGHT...

Queen Watevra: Pretty colors...

Amset-Ra: I think she's flying outside the ring... Yup. She's out.

Queen Watevra: Wha?! What?! Oh wait. I'm in Round 2 now. Why am I panicking?

Brainstein: Because I will win and face off against you again eventually.

Wyldstyle: Is he foreshadowing?

Amset-Ra: It's hard to tell, since we don't really have a continuity.

Computer Programmer: Bribe them, Mendax.

Space Police Officer: WE ALSO HAVE CELEBRITIES SUCH AS JOHNNY THUNDER, CLUTCH POWERS, KAI, AND MR. GOLD AMONG OUR INMATES.

Jack Stone: So what?

Space Police Officer: AND WE ALSO HAVE EVERY SINGLE DLC PACK FOR LEGO DIMENSIONS, AS WELL AS ALL THE LEGO DC, MARVEL, AND STAR WARS GAMES.

Jack Stone: Why are you speaking in caps-

Space Police Officer: AND WE ALSO HAVE OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES.

Jack Stone: Cookies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!11!!!

Computer Programmer: Tracking cookies.

Brainstein: You would fall for this fool?

Jack Stone: Trust me, I'll come for his cookies just as soon as I smash these vehicles with my Spyrius Robo Guardian!

Space Police Officer: HEY! THAT'S OURS!

Brainstein: Called it. He's a Spyrius spy.

Space Police Officer: IT SEEMS YOU'VE FOUND ME OUT. YES, I AM MENDAX FROM COMMANDOSAUR'S LAST BATTLE. NOW BEFORE THE REAL SPACE POLICE FINDS OUT THAT I STOLE THEIR FLEET, I NEED TO DESTROY THESE ENEMIES WHO ARE STEALING OUR TECHNOLOGY. YOU CANNOY OUT-SPY SPYRIUS SPIES!

Brainstein: And yet we have. How ironic.

Jack Stone: Eat lasers, fake Space Police!

WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP!

KABOOM X4

Wyldstyle: Jack Stone has redeemed himself! He has just destroyed all four of the Space Police Galactic Enforcers! Now what will Computer Programmer do?

Computer Programmer: Delete two digital birds with one virus.

Terabyte: Now you're speaking my language. And by speaking, I mean plagiarizing.

vorp vorp vorp VORP VORP VORP VORP

Jack Stone: Hey, I'm growing!

CRASH

Wyldstyle: Jack's legs are really stretching out of control! He just broke through the robot that be built!

Amset-Ra: And the rest of his body is staying the same size.

Jack Stone: I'm a big kid now!

Brainstein: Embarrassing.

ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK

Jack Stone: Hey, don't shoot! We're buddies, right?

Brainstein: This is a WAR.

Jack Stone: There's a difference between a war and an organized tournament.

Amset-Ra: "Organized" is kind of an overstatement...

Jack Stone: Anyway, you missed. Now I can limbo underneath your lasers and-

ZARK

Jack Stone: Whoa, watch it! Now you've sent me out of control!

Trip. CRASH!

Amset-Ra: Jack Stone's out.

Computer Programmer: I am not the fighting type, so I may as well hack your plane and send you out of the ring.

H4XX!

Brainstein: I've thought this out in advance.

CRUNCH!

Wyldstyle: Wow! Brainstein ejected just as the Saucer Centurion crashed in the ring, burying the Computer Programmer in the rubble! Who wins this one, since Brainstein is out of the ring right now.

Amset-Ra: Brainstein, since he's still alive and kicking.

Brainstein: Granted, this was not all that hard. After all, my mind is superior to most.

Amset-Ra: Though, this does raise a few questions: Is the Computer Programmer in cahoots with Spyrius? How did Mendax get a hold of four Galactic Enforcers? Why does Jack Stone have a virus? And how smart is Brainstein really? These and other compelling questions, next time, on Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid!

After the Battle

Meanwhile, Aspheera is soaking in Amset-Ra's forbidden hot tub... with Pharaoh Hotep. The real one, mind you.

Aspheera: Thisssss issss a lovely pyramid you have.

Pharaoh Hotep: Yes it is. You know what's even better?

Aspheera: What?

Pharaoh Hotep: I'm working on a plan to pry it out of my son's hands. Imagine... Pharaoh Hotep's Rampaging Ruins!

Aspheera: Brilliant! I sssshall help you out jusssst assss sssoon assss I eliminate the Ninja from exssssissstencccce.

Pharaoh Hotep: It's a deal.

Meanwhile...

Sir Fangar: There it is! Area 51!

Pythor: Are you crazy? They're gonna have guardssss everywhere! Plussssss it'sssss the middle of the night, you can't ssssee anything around here!

Sir Fangar: But they have glooooorious aliens in there!

Pythor: Big deal. We get aliensssss all the time back at the pyramid.

Sir Fangar: Ooh! Maybe they're also hiding gloooooruous future LEGO themes and sets through 2030!

Pythor: Then it'sssss automatically worth the trip.

Inside Area 51...

Bad Cop: It is really just the two of them out there- Oh wait! There are the thousands of others! They've got rock slingers, furries, Naruto runners - the lot! And I think I see a few mechs, robots, androids, Rock Monsters, even aliens! It's gonna be a loooong night.

The Winner

Professor Brainstein

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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.